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keep going boys

The diary of Hermione Granger age 14

Wednesday : 10:30pm
Can't sleep & very bored.
All I have to keep myself occupied is this magic wand thing with its stupid bloody vibrating tip and.............. hold it a second !!

Thursday
Busy

Friday
Busy

Saturday
Busy

Where does the English cricket team stay during a tour of South Africa?

With their parents

I went to an audition today, and to my surprise Tom Hanks was the casting director. I asked him "Are you trying to make it 'Big' in casting Tom?" "Very funny". He replied, "But your late." I said "Sorry Tom, but there was traffic on the 'Road to Perdition' and I cu...

james blunt - dangerous

Who likes German men?

Hans up.

A young Arab asks his father, "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?" "It's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!" "And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?" "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot...

Leaving the pub on Sunday night, my mate said he had a bottle of Smirnoff at home. "Got nothing to drink it with though". "It's midnight." I replied, "Where's open?" "The garage!" he exclaimed and tottered off towards the lights of the BP station. Anyway, long...

Paddy found out his wife was having an affair, so decided 2 kill her and himself..He puts the gun to his head, looks at wife and says "don't laugh your next" !

Liverpool win a game, and Paul the octopus has a heart attack!

-Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine. -A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. -Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. -Practice safe eating - always use condiments. -Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death. -A hangover is the wrath of grapes. -Dancing cheek-to-cheek is r...

At a tribal coming of age ceremony, a youth is placed in front of three tents. The chief of the tribe says to him, "In the first tent there is a barrel of plum wine: you must drink it all. In the second tent there is a puma with a raging toothache: you must take out the good tooth. And in the t...

skunkymunky wrote:Gnope. - The Rat

dude wat the hell. hw abt you censor the joke that just insulted half the muslims of the world

I do, is a short sentence, unless you say it in a church

LP - Burning in the Skies

I got into an argument last night with a 70 year old ex karate instructor.
He said, "I'll take you on any day."
I chose April 23rd, 2050.