Jokes! - come have a laugh
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SykomantiS
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Actually, I did as well, only I dunno XBL, and it'll probably make less sense
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skunkymunky
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
The diary of Hermione Granger age 14
Wednesday : 10:30pm
Can't sleep & very bored.
All I have to keep myself occupied is this magic wand thing with its stupid bloody vibrating tip and.............. hold it a second !!
Thursday
Busy
Friday
Busy
Saturday
Busy
Wednesday : 10:30pm
Can't sleep & very bored.
All I have to keep myself occupied is this magic wand thing with its stupid bloody vibrating tip and.............. hold it a second !!
Thursday
Busy
Friday
Busy
Saturday
Busy
Fool people into thinking youve got a horse by taking off a unicorns horn
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KatrynKat
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
is that supposed to be a joke??
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cyberfox271
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
It's abstract humor...maybe it's a body part joke.
" Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy " - Aristotle
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
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GreyWolf
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
fixed that for you...skunkymunky wrote:The diary of Hermione Granger age 18
Wednesday : 10:30pm
Can't sleep & very bored.
All I have to keep myself occupied is this magic wand thing with its stupid bloody vibrating tip and.............. hold it a second !!
Thursday
Busy
Friday
Busy
Saturday
Busy
In the spirit of things:
Whats the best thing about twenty-one year olds?
there twenty of them
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist that black flag, and begin slitting throats."
- H. L. Mancken
- H. L. Mancken
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MIA
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Jannie is in Gr.1 en sy Engelsjuffrou het probleme met hom. Jannie meen hy’s te slim vir Gr.1 en wil na Gr.3 oorgeplaas word. Sy suster is in Gr.3 en Jannie reken hy is baie slimmer as sy. Die juffrou het genoeg gehad en vat hom na die skoolhoof. Die hoof sê hy gaan Jannie toets. As hy druip,bly hy in Gr.1.
Hoof: “Wat is 3×3?”
Jannie: “9″
Hoof: “Wat is 6×6?’
Jannie : “36″
So gaan dit aan totdat die juffrou die hoof vra of sy nie maar vir Jannie `n paar vrae in Engels kan vra nie
Juffrou: “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Jannie: “Legs”
Juffrou: “What do you have in you pants that I don’t have?”
Jannie :”Pockets”
Juffrou: “What starts with a ‘C’ and ends with a ‘T’, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains a thin, whitish liquid?”
Die hoof vee die sweet van sy voorkop af
Jannie: “Coconut”
Juffrou: “What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?”
Jannie :”Bubblegum”
Juffrou: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting downand a dog does on three legs?”
Jannie: “Shake hands”
Juffrou: “Now I’ll ask some ‘Who am I sort of questions, okay?”
Jannie :”Yup”
Juffrou: “You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you.”
Jannie: “A tent”
Juffrou: “A finger goes into me.You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
Die hoof lyk baie gespanne.
Jannie: “wedding ring”
Juffrou: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well I drip. When you blow me you feel good.”
Jannie :”Nose”
Juffrou: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Jannie :”Arrow”
Juffrou: “What starts with a F ends with a K that means a lot of excitement?”
Jannie: “firetruck”
Die hoof sê: “Sit die klein blik**** in Gr.5 Ek het die laaste 10 antwoorde verkeerd gehad!!!!!!!”
Hoof: “Wat is 3×3?”
Jannie: “9″
Hoof: “Wat is 6×6?’
Jannie : “36″
So gaan dit aan totdat die juffrou die hoof vra of sy nie maar vir Jannie `n paar vrae in Engels kan vra nie
Juffrou: “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Jannie: “Legs”
Juffrou: “What do you have in you pants that I don’t have?”
Jannie :”Pockets”
Juffrou: “What starts with a ‘C’ and ends with a ‘T’, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains a thin, whitish liquid?”
Die hoof vee die sweet van sy voorkop af
Jannie: “Coconut”
Juffrou: “What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?”
Jannie :”Bubblegum”
Juffrou: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting downand a dog does on three legs?”
Jannie: “Shake hands”
Juffrou: “Now I’ll ask some ‘Who am I sort of questions, okay?”
Jannie :”Yup”
Juffrou: “You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you.”
Jannie: “A tent”
Juffrou: “A finger goes into me.You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
Die hoof lyk baie gespanne.
Jannie: “wedding ring”
Juffrou: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well I drip. When you blow me you feel good.”
Jannie :”Nose”
Juffrou: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Jannie :”Arrow”
Juffrou: “What starts with a F ends with a K that means a lot of excitement?”
Jannie: “firetruck”
Die hoof sê: “Sit die klein blik**** in Gr.5 Ek het die laaste 10 antwoorde verkeerd gehad!!!!!!!”
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THE_STIG
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Ha Ha Ha Ha 
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cyberfox271
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
LMFAO awesome one.
" Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy " - Aristotle
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
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cyberfox271
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
i think it's for people with a Hermione Granger fetish.Tribble wrote:Hee hee that borders on sick or disturbed
" Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy " - Aristotle
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
"You stupid dog, You make me look bad! awooga wooga wooga!"
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THE_STIG
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Hey what is wrong with miss Granger, would you say no to her??
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Synthesis
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
What's the difference between a wife and a job?
.
.
.
After 5 years, the job still sucks.
.
.
.
After 5 years, the job still sucks.
Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
An Afrikaner guy, an Aussie, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting
in a train.
The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The old woman, beautiful girl and the Afrikaner guy are sitting there
looking perplexed. The Aussie is bent over holding his face, which is red
from an apparent slap.
The old woman is thinking: 'That Aussie must have tried to kiss that girl
and got slapped.'
The Aussie is thinking: 'Damn it, that Afrikaner guy must have tried to
kiss the beautiful girl. She thought it was me and slapped me instead.'
The beautiful girl is thinking: 'That Aussie must have moved to kiss me,
but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped.'
The Afrikaner guy is thinking: 'I hope this train goes through another tunnel,
so I can make another kissing sound and moer that Aussie again!'
in a train.
The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!
The train comes out of the tunnel.
The old woman, beautiful girl and the Afrikaner guy are sitting there
looking perplexed. The Aussie is bent over holding his face, which is red
from an apparent slap.
The old woman is thinking: 'That Aussie must have tried to kiss that girl
and got slapped.'
The Aussie is thinking: 'Damn it, that Afrikaner guy must have tried to
kiss the beautiful girl. She thought it was me and slapped me instead.'
The beautiful girl is thinking: 'That Aussie must have moved to kiss me,
but kissed the old lady instead and got slapped.'
The Afrikaner guy is thinking: 'I hope this train goes through another tunnel,
so I can make another kissing sound and moer that Aussie again!'
Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
A young Chinese couple get married.
She's a virgin & they are both waiters .
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.
Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69".
More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...
"You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"
She's a virgin & they are both waiters .
Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.
Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request.
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69".
More thoughtful silence, but this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...
"You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"
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wizardofid
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
via email
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa .
One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer.
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Nottingham but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ..."I hope that the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn.”
The Red Cross has just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said that we would love to but our hose pipe reaches only as far as the bottom of the garden.
In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa .
One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer.
I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Nottingham but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache."
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ..."I hope that the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn.”
The Red Cross has just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said that we would love to but our hose pipe reaches only as far as the bottom of the garden.
"In my weird politically incorrect hypothetically incoherent contradicting obscured world definitively maybe"
Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money.
Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a colored couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn’t see it, but my wife did!"
Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a colored couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn’t see it, but my wife did!"
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KatrynKat
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
the poor wife....
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RuadRauFlessa
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
I bet her name was KatrynKat after she went on the run.
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KatrynKat
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
firstly, i would not marry such a guy and secondly why would i be on the run......?RuadRauFlessa wrote:I bet her name was KatrynKat after she went on the run.
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THE_STIG
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Bwahahahahaha
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Tribble
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
Dear Gakie,
I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that
almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we moved.
I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here
took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to change
their address.
This place is really nice.. It even has a washing machine. I don't know
that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and
pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first
time for four days, and the second time for three days.
About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Gamat said it would
be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.
Doela locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Oom Saliem fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.. We had him cremated.
It took five days to put the fire out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in their oupa's bakkie. I always
knew this thing was dangerous. Salie was driving. He rolled down the
window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal
has happened.
Your favorite aunt
Gawa
P.S. I was going to enclose R25 but I already sealed the envelope....
I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that
almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we moved.
I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here
took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to change
their address.
This place is really nice.. It even has a washing machine. I don't know
that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and
pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first
time for four days, and the second time for three days.
About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Gamat said it would
be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets.
Doela locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried
because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Oom Saliem fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him
out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.. We had him cremated.
It took five days to put the fire out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in their oupa's bakkie. I always
knew this thing was dangerous. Salie was driving. He rolled down the
window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal
has happened.
Your favorite aunt
Gawa
P.S. I was going to enclose R25 but I already sealed the envelope....
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Tribble
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
This is a list of what all the advertising terms on products really mean...
NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.
LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.
FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.
NEW - Different color from previous design.
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.
IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.
LESS FATTENING - Now doesn't have the same fat content as pig stomach lining.
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn't make it work long enough to ship it.
FAT FREE - You pay for the food, but the fat is free.
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KatrynKat
- Insane in the Membrane
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Re: Jokes! - come have a laugh
bwahahahaha....
"This eBook is displayed using 100% recycled electrons."