Are there such things as Good parents?

[Tribble]

Yes - the annoying Tribble is posting again! Bear with me. I need to know something.

Those of you - still living at home - your attention please. Tell me what you need from a good parent. I get the feeling that I am not like "traditional" mothers and I am worried that this is going to mess up my kids.

What should or shouldn't mothers do? What embarrasses you? What do they do right - and when do you wish they weren't your folks?

Must I start saving up for psychiatric fees already - so that someone else can undo the damage I do?

Please tell me so I can fix things before it is too late. Listening to some of you and your relationships with your folks, makes me worried about mine.

[skoldzer]

a good parent allows their children to florish in music from Marilyn Manson and Cradle of Filth... if you dont do this then im sorry to say but... your a BAD mommy

[Mortal_Wombat]

Well my mom never listened to Marilyn Manson

[Sojourn]

Eish... you just shot a the great wall of China with a double barrel shotgun hoping to hit gawd knows what target. Care to narrow the scope a wee bit?

s

[Tribble]

a good parent allows their children to florish in music from Marilyn Manson and Cradle of Filth... if you dont do this then im sorry to say but... your a BAD mommy

Well they are a little young - I tend to keep my PArental Advisory CDs away from them

[Tribble]

Well my mom never listened to Marilyn Manson

Guess it worked?!

[pok]

Well my mom never listened to Marilyn Manson

well my mom listens to GnR. 8O

1. respect their privacy
2. knock before you enter their room.
3. dont embarrass them infront of their friends
4. show them that you love them in a special manner
5. give respect and you receive respect back from them.
6. spend some QT with them.

[Tribble]

Eish... you just shot a the great wall of China with a double barrel shotgun hoping to hit gawd knows what target. Care to narrow the scope a wee bit?

s

Yikes that's hard. I guess I would have to tell you all the things that I do <that I am questioning> and you tell me if they are ok? Not likely! I just need to know from you, what is acceptable.

[Tribble]

Well my mom never listened to Marilyn Manson

well my mom listens to GnR. 8O

1. respect their privacy
2. knock before you enter their room.
3. dont embarrass them infront of their friends
4. show them that you love them in a special manner
5. give respect and you receive respect back from them.
6. spend some QT with them.

Phew! I am doing all these things. Anything else? Words of wisdm?

[skoldzer]

Phew! I am doing all these things. Anything else? Words of wisdm?

PORN... lots of PORN

[Mikdog]

A good parent is comfortable with themselves.

That's all you need to do.

Or, you can watch Dr. Phil on TV. HE'LL tell you what to do.

I guess the fact that you're asking means you're concerned, and if I was a shrink, I'd probably be doodling on the pad as you talked, but I would also say that as long as you're aware of what a huge impact you have on your kid, that's a good starting point. You can figure the rest out by yourself.

Then, if I was a shrink, I'd charge you R7000.00 for a consultation. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[Tribble]

Phew! I am doing all these things. Anything else? Words of wisdm?

PORN... lots of PORN

Keep that away from them too.

[Sojourn]

Eish... you just shot a the great wall of China with a double barrel shotgun hoping to hit gawd knows what target. Care to narrow the scope a wee bit?

s

Yikes that's hard. I guess I would have to tell you all the things that I do <that I am questioning> and you tell me if they are ok? Not likely! I just need to know from you, what is acceptable.

Jeesh... I am probably the WORST person on this forum to answer that Q... but here goes.

1. Dont just hear what your kids say, try to listen.
2. Dont make a decition on the spur of the moment with serious issues. Think about things, involve your husband, then decide.
3. You will have to make spur-of-the-moment decitions almost every second day, so try to be fair when you do.
4. Give the kid(s) a chance to do things their way, sit with them and say "OK, this is your chance to do this and that your way... you have ONE chance. I dont agree, but will support you." Then when they bang their head on the rocks of life, be there for them, never say "told-you-so". Then tell em its now time to do it YOUR way. Give them a uge pat on the back when they prove you wrong.
5. Point no4 will not be always possible, so if you have to outright veto an issue, make sure the kid understands WHY its done.
6. Dont ever lie to your kids. Ever. Not even the white ones.
7. Your kids needs to understand that you are the parent, and you need to make sure they understand this without being Mugabe about it.
8. Be consistant with rewards and punishment.
9. Dont eat in front of the TV every night, sit around a table as a family. )Scary how this is regarded as hogwash in most cases).
10. Have fun with your kids. Go on trips, and let them be "in charge".

s

[Tribble]

A good parent is comfortable with themselves.

That's all you need to do.

Or, you can watch Dr. Phil on TV. HE'LL tell you what to do.

I guess the fact that you're asking means you're concerned, and if I was a shrink, I'd probably be doodling on the pad as you talked, but I would also say that as long as you're aware of what a huge impact you have on your kid, that's a good starting point. You can figure the rest out by yourself.

Then, if I was a shrink, I'd charge you R7000.00 for a consultation. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

And being a concerned parent, I would probably pay you and book another session!

[OnlyOneKenobi]

A person normally doesn't appreciate or realise that he \ she has good parents until they become an adult themselves. I always figured my parents were pretty ok, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago when I realised how good they really were, still are actually.

[Tribble]

Jeesh... I am probably the WORST person on this forum to answer that Q... but here goes.

1. Dont just hear what your kids say, try to listen.
2. Dont make a decition on the spur of the moment with serious issues. Think about things, involve your husband, then decide.
3. You will have to make spur-of-the-moment decitions almost every second day, so try to be fair when you do.
4. Give the kid(s) a chance to do things their way, sit with them and say "OK, this is your chance to do this and that your way... you have ONE chance. I dont agree, but will support you." Then when they bang their head on the rocks of life, be there for them, never say "told-you-so". Then tell em its now time to do it YOUR way.
5. Point no4 will not be always possible, so if you have to outright veto an issue, make sure the kid understands WHY its done.
6. Dont ever lie to your kids. Ever. Not even the white ones.
7. Your kids needs to understand that you are the parent, and you need to make sure they understand this without being Mugabe about it.
8. Be consistant with rewards and punishment.
9. Dont eat in front of the TV every night, sit around a table as a family. )Scary how this is regarded as hogwash in most cases).
10. Have fun with your kids. Go on trips, and let them be "in charge".

s

1. Do try - sometimes very tired but then tell them we will chat later - then we do.
2. Will try.
3. Always try.
4. Do give them the chance but it breaks my heart to see them hurt. I really feel like protecting them from everything. Never say Told-you-so.
5. I think I dicuss things too much.
6. Don't believe in lies - so really try not to.
7. Not sure if I have this one right <mark as problem area>
8. Serious problem here - always give second chances and forgive too easily.
9. Fail here too. Kids sit at table though.
10. Have TONS of fun!

Thanks - this has really helped!

[Tribble]

A person normally doesn't appreciate or realise that he \ she has good parents until they become an adult themselves. I always figured my parents were pretty ok, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago when I realised how good they really were, still are actually.

I feel the same. My mom and I chat every morning and for hours on weekends.

[PsyCLown]

Just dont be strick...strick parents suck IMO
My mother has never been strick...she always and will still let me sleep over at friends during the week(which most parent thinks is ridiculous) WHY?

I dunno what else really..hehe...scared I might say something and end up with my head chopped off

Just do what my mother did with me!

Also you dont let them listen to CDs with explicit content? If they like 11 or older id say it will be fine! But let them choose the music.

Also let them have fun during school says.etc try not to have a planned afternoon for when they come home.etc I HATE that. Doesnt work with me either! Just ask them if they have done their homework.etc and tell them if they dont do it they will get in trouble.etc also if they need help...help them ofcource! lol

Also trends at school (like branded clothes.etc) try get them branded clothes if most people at school wear it.etc

umm, dunno what else to say.

[chez]

Set standards...not boundries the one counteracts the other.....
be honest all the time...answer their questions honestly
build a relationship based on mutual respect
involve yourself in their activities - I've had to endure hours of these games of playing against each other getting shot to pieces
don't freak out when they do things that are part of the 'normal' growing process
don't be afraid to say sorry to them if you are wrong - sometimes you will be
and all that some of the wise young men have said....

[Moses]

Just dont be strick...strick parents suck IMO

I think parents should be strick about academic progress.

[PsyCLown]

Just dont be strick...strick parents suck IMO

I think parents should be strick about academic progress.

My mother isnt strick with me and I dont study for all these small tests and most cycle tests...when its exams I will mainly read through it or my mother will go through all of it as if she was studying it with me...In maths I get in the 70s/80s (percentage) and for geo in the 70s...most subjects which I dont mind much I get in the 70s...
So ya...but im in grade 9 if they are still young then id say they will need a few guidlines.

[Mikdog]

A person normally doesn't appreciate or realise that he \ she has good parents until they become an adult themselves. I always figured my parents were pretty ok, but it wasn't until a couple of years ago when I realised how good they really were, still are actually.

I agree. My folks are super-awesome. I tell them I love them every day.

[Mortal_Wombat]

When I was growing up (especially my teen years) my parents were pretty strict, but I think I'm better off because of it.
For example, my parents rarely let me "go out" with my friends when I was say 16-17 (mostly because my friends ideas of going out was smoking, drinking etc.) I used to hate my parents for that, but looking back now I am kinda grateful and I know now they were just being protective.
Also about the brand clothing etc, that which is "cool" to have. Every kid wants to fit in and be cool like their friends. So yeah, try help them fit in, buy them cool things and so on, but do not spoil them.
Also set rules, and make sure your kids abide by them (If they have to be home by 10, make sure they are home by 10)
You say your kids are young, but as they get older, remember you are their friend, but remember that you are their parent, you are the authority. Don't be afraid to put your foot down. Like I said when I was growing up my dad was strict and I kinda hated him a lot, but now that I'm a little older we are very good friends. If they do something bad, punish them. If they do something good reward them.
Uhm, what else? Like someone else said, teach them that if they respect you and others, they will be respected, you know the whole "treat other like you want to be treated" thing. Also let them make their own mistakes, it's the only way they'll learn.
I'm probably not the best guy to give advice on how to be good parent, seeing as most people would still call me 'n "laatjie". Looking back now I am very thankful to my parents for all they did.

[viceroy]

The most important things you can do are

1.) Be consistant.
2.) Set boundries (and keep to them. See pt 1).
3.) Never let your emotions rule how you raise them, especially anger. rather go away for a while and come back when you've calmed down.
4.) Be compassionate. They are people too and only want to be treated as such.
5.) "Because I said so" & "Do as I say, not as I do" are not good answers.
6.) Have fun.
7.) Take an interest in them and what they say. Mostly they just want to make you proud and if you take an interest, they will do better because of it.
8.) Sometimes you have to be "unfair" because they don't always know whats best for them.
9. ) You are not their friend. You are their parent. This doesn't mean you can't have fun with them, but you need to ensure that you do what is best in their interest.
10.) I know a lot of parents will disagree with me here. My ex wife did, and we got divorced. Your partner comes first, within reason. You don't live your life for your children, even though they are a huge part of it. You also need to make sure your life with your partner is rich and fulfilling. If you make sure of that, most of the rest of parenting falls into place because the children see you happy and as such tend to be happy too.

I'm sure most of these points have been covered, but this is how I raised my step-kids

[Mikdog]

Viceroy seems to have a good idea. I like those tips.