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Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 13:38
by Tribble
Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days
SCHAUMBURG, IL—In a turn of events that has stunned the worldwide medical community, local infant Nathan Jameson, born just six days ago, has become the youngest person ever to permanently and irrevocably lose all faith in humanity.
“This shatters all previous records,” University of Chicago psychologist Douglas McAllister said Monday. “In all of documented medical history, there is no case of a newborn taking less than four months to develop the mental faculties required to grasp the full extent of this existential nightmare we call life on earth.”
“Considering he already comprehends harsh realities that many people spend their entire fleeting, shallow existences attempting to deny, Baby Nathan is quite the little miracle!” he added.
Though he has not yet developed the capacity for speech, extensive cognitive testing has definitively shown that the shockingly perceptive 6-day-old fully understands and accepts that human beings cannot be trusted, that they remain far too ignorant for their opinions to be reliable, that a lack of self-awareness about their own destructive tendencies pervades the species as a whole, and that most are too ineffectual to successfully pursue even the shallow self-interested agendas that rule their lives.
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Interesting that what he considers a "pseudo-science" is the one to prove his belief (or lack thereof)
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 13:49
by rustypup
excellent choice of surname as well...
<waits patiently for the iranians to sincerely quote this as evidence of how far the infidel nations have fallen...>
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 17:16
by Tribble
I am all for the pseudo-sciences - but this is ludicrous.
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 17:25
by GreyWolf
Tribble wrote:I am all for the pseudo-sciences - but this is ludicrous.
You... you do realize it's the onion right?
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 18:11
by Tribble
Many layers?
OR dark, dank and very suspicious?
Sources said the early-blooming newborn was putting two and two together about the real nature of humanity even before leaving the hospital, where his first sensory experiences included the shouts of sick people arguing to get treatment they urgently needed, visitors staring vacantly at smartphones as they sat next to bedridden loved ones, televisions blaring the empty rhetoric and emotionally manipulative appeals of political advertisements, and dozens upon dozens of pained, desperate cries, including his own.
I am sorry - having had 3 babies (which are now bigger) - I strongly disagree with this. In order to know that someone is angry - one needs to have a reference point in memory for anger. Same with Pained expressions/please. You have to know pain to be able to identify it. Vacant stares need to have a comparison for them to be seen as vacant. I think the tester is reading a lot into this.
At press time, there were unconfirmed reports that Baby Nathan had used the wind-up mobile above his crib to hang himself
I think the wrong human hanged himself
/humour me - I want to play
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 20:09
by GreyWolf
Ok Tribble... I dont know if you are being serious, but I am gonna take it that you are.
The onion is a parody site. Its all made up bull.
If you knew this, then I accept that I have just been successfully trolled, and tip my hat off to you madam. Well played.
Re: Baby RustyPup discovered - world excited
Posted: 04 Oct 2012, 22:47
by Tribble
Did you not see my :
Tribble wrote:/humour me - I want to play
I thought I made it a little too obvious.
But thank you for playing along and answering my post
GreyWolf wrote:If you knew this, then I accept that I have just been successfully trolled, and tip my hat off to you madam. Well played.
<sheepish grin> But we all know I am just a dumb blonde female - and an incredibly gullible one at that. So I give you that my post was completely believable - well that I believed the article to be real, that is.
But had this article been real - oh wow! It would really have put psychology in a very bad light
indeedy.