The Empire Strikes Back - Joofville's Take

[Joofville]

Let me know what you guys think!
(Click on the image, wont let me post youtube vids ??)

[Joofville]

oops

[hamin_aus]

I fixed the Youtube link
I also lol'd at the stormtroopers losing reception, so you earned my subscription!

[SykomantiS]

Ye, good work, I like your stuff, keep it up

[Joofville]

Thanks guys.

[RiaX]

hmmm, I dont mean to be the bad guy here but you did ask so i will give you honesty. I believe a harsh truthful opinion is more respectful than a nice lie, especially for those that want feedback.

Okay your art work is good and your animations are smooth nice. The problem i had with your clip was the sound and the comedy itself.

You background music starts with darth vader and provides some form of ambience thats ok, however when it stops there is simply silence? this makes your video empty you've engaged my auditory sense and now you simply stoped ? also the gaps between your looping the background music is not relevant, yes im aware it plays everytime darth vader appears but it just fortifies what i said earlier the emptyness of sound once it stops. So these points of sound emptiness should be adressed.

Voices need to be addressed as well I can hear an echo when they talk, now I know you not doing a professional job in a studio but im pretty sure you can decrease the echo. Little improvements here and there will make a big improvement overall. The diversity in the voices is impressive for one person.

Finally the comedy, the scene has been picked on and parodied about 400 million times. The pushing of the cliff flashback was.... old. Luke's reaction to finding out DV is his father wasnt not funny either (though I dont know if that high pitched "nooooooo" was meant to be funny). The thumb joke was refreshing but still lacked comical power. That being said the storm troopers losing reception, was new, resfreshing, timed perfectly and was hilarious, well done there.

That being said the point im making is better sound and more quality comedy (like the loss of reception). Now you asked for an opinion so dont get mad at negative criticsm

[Joofville]

hmmm, I dont mean to be the bad guy here but you did ask so i will give you honesty. I believe a harsh truthful opinion is more respectful than a nice lie, especially for those that want feedback.

Okay your art work is good and your animations are smooth nice. The problem i had with your clip was the sound and the comedy itself.

You background music starts with darth vader and provides some form of ambience thats ok, however when it stops there is simply silence? this makes your video empty you've engaged my auditory sense and now you simply stoped ? also the gaps between your looping the background music is not relevant, yes im aware it plays everytime darth vader appears but it just fortifies what i said earlier the emptyness of sound once it stops. So these points of sound emptiness should be adressed.

Voices need to be addressed as well I can hear an echo when they talk, now I know you not doing a professional job in a studio but im pretty sure you can decrease the echo. Little improvements here and there will make a big improvement overall. The diversity in the voices is impressive for one person.

Finally the comedy, the scene has been picked on and parodied about 400 million times. The pushing of the cliff flashback was.... old. Luke's reaction to finding out DV is his father wasnt not funny either (though I dont know if that high pitched "nooooooo" was meant to be funny). The thumb joke was refreshing but still lacked comical power. That being said the storm troopers losing reception, was new, resfreshing, timed perfectly and was hilarious, well done there.

That being said the point im making is better sound and more quality comedy (like the loss of reception). Now you asked for an opinion so dont get mad at negative criticsm

Who the hell do you think you.. just kidding. Not mad at all and thanks for the feed back. I completely agree with the audio, that's where I am weak. I need to invest in a proper mic (Would you believe my voice acting was recorded on my cellphone on the way to work!) . I am no pro at all this I started animating at the end of April this year so I am still a noob. I'll work on my comedy and look forward to you critiquing my next video. Have a look at my Life on Kepler 22b series and let me know what you think. You can see where I started animating..

Thanks bud.

[RiaX]

I watched your kepler series up to part 4 then I got annoyed lol, your parts are too short and with 5 million youtube adverts its a mission. Lol i like the spaceship with guns and the asteroid and the swearing ... though I do feel you could give the aliens some subtitles ? i mean you already using speech bubble to show profanity so its inconsistant slightly. Youtube wont run away so instead of uploading so many parts that are 50 seconds rather release it when you have a video thats a few minutes ? because in 50 seconds not much can happen and you dont have the time to build and initate any plot or comedy

You do have talent though doing this as a hobby. The art work is good as well. Im also glad you didnt do the tiresome tumbleweed and used the paper/cloth to hit what i would assume as the main character in the face to denote the situation he is in. Oh yes while typing this I had trouble describing the characters, now its not necessary for this type of show if you going to have a cartoon about 5 minutes introduction build up and punchline then its fine. Though if you plan to take this series further I would suggest you start providing the important characters with an indentity ? although it would be difficult to suddendly incorporate my suggestions into this animation.... suddenly no subtitles now you going to add subtitles later ? just a thought

[Joofville]

Thanks bud. I'm thinking of taking all I have learned and creating one long video about Kepler 22b. Sorry about the ads, they're there to pop a few pennies in my pocket for the hours of work.

[Joofville]

On that note, 1-4 were early works. I think I improved a little on 5,6 and 7 anyway. I like your idea about subtitles, but I also got some suggestions to leave dialog completely out in any form and have viewers simply understand what's going on from expressions! Dialog in any form, whether it be subtitles also narrows my audience to English speaking viewers.

Thanks for your feedback bud. Dig it.

Input from others will also be most welcome. I want to improve.

[Mickzter97]

If you're looking for a good mic, use this, KSIOlajiBT uses it, and he has great audio quality.