HOWTO: Break Up but Not Break Her Heart

[Tribble]

For her too - if she is really in love with him. Girls don't let go of love easily

[RuadRauFlessa]

For her too - if she is really in love with him. Girls don't let go of love easily

+1

They tend to cling to the point of suffocation.... or is that strangulation.

[Sojourn]

For her too - if she is really in love with him. Girls don't let go of love easily

+1
They tend to cling to the point of suffocation.... or is that strangulation.

QFT +1

You have to be harsh in a gentle way - but sometimes there is no gentle way.
How do you ask a guillotine to slice in a nice way?

[RuadRauFlessa]

Easy.... you don't expect anything from it. You let it fall where it may. If you try and force down the blade you will only cause a tear and not a clean cut.

Analogies aside. There is still no way to elegantly break up. You will always sit with a fallout which you don't want.

[JollyJamma]

Okay, now that the peanut galley has had their say, time for the big boys to jump in...

What you need to do is get HER to break up with YOU.
You must know her pet peeves - start working on them.
Tell her she's putting on weight. Fart a lot. Stand her up on a few dates. Start spending lots of time on MXIT. Buy Dianetics by L Ron Hubbard and tell her it contains some interesting ideas...

She'll give you the old heave-ho soon enough.

Don't forget the Dutch Oven.

[DAE_JA_VOO]

I really, really hope that we can still be friends because I really enjoy her and her company and being around her, I'm just not sure what would be best for her in this regard.

Yeah, you might want to think about that one. If she doesn't want to stay friends, you've got to respect that. Having your heart broken and then being told "but I still want to be your friend" is a pretty crap experience, so she might not want to go for that. Also, consider that once you've moved on, she might not have, and then when you meet a new girl, it'll be 100% uncomfortable when you tell the ex that you met another girl.

[jee]

After a serious relationship being "friends" afterwards does not work. Period. It can only work again after a long slow period of healing... when you find each other on different levels. Best advice - if you part ways, to part it for a good while before seeing each other again.

[RuadRauFlessa]

After a serious relationship being "friends" afterwards does not work. Period. It can only work again after a long slow period of healing... when you find each other on different levels. Best advice - if you part ways, to part it for a good while before seeing each other again.

And in most cases not even then

[Tribble]

I wonder what it is like breaking up with someone you are still in love with? I know that once you no longer love them, but they are still in love, - it really sux. You then have the guilt to contend with. And the continuous questions you (and they) ask yourself about whether you are doing the right thing, would it have worked if you tried harder, are you sure there isn't a way for it to work out, why don't you love them anymore, what did they do to lose you ... And then you see the pain you have caused. And you swear that you will never do it again - but you do. You fall in love and it starts all over again.

[RuadRauFlessa]

Tribble.... seriously.... take it from a fool.... you don't want to know.

[Tribble]

Luckily for me I never will.

[KatrynKat]

i have kept quiet through this all as i don't have any thing to say...
but the truth is the best policy....

even breaking off a friendship is hard and it hurts.... i know....

i can't say much about relationships tho....

[Anakha56]

/Nothing to add...

Get your hands on some Rohypnol, slip it in drink, tell her its over. Next day when she calls remind her that last night you both mutually agreed to end the relationship. She wont remember and because you said mutually she wont be heart broken...

/

BTW Good luck as everyone else said no matter what you do damage will be done...

[GDI_Lord]

I really, really hope that we can still be friends because I really enjoy her and her company and being around her, I'm just not sure what would be best for her in this regard.

Erm, mental note: don't post while very tired, it won't make sense when read in the cold light of day.

@Dae: Yeah, I've been on the wrong side of the whole "let's be friends" thing before.

TBH, I'm actually much more concerned about her than about myself.

[RuadRauFlessa]

TBH, I'm actually much more concerned about her than about myself.

That says a lot. You absolutely sure you have to break it up?

[GDI_Lord]

In a good or a bad way? And yes, I'm sure.

[KALSTER]

How far have you guys taken it so far? You might still be able to salvage your friendship without falling prey to the "emotional prostitution" problem. You can also scold yourself strongly in front of her for letting things progress as far as they have. Also make sure she understands that you are also thinking about how this might affect her son.

It sounds as if your initial strong friendship developed into a feeling of companionship and a physical attraction before you realised it, meaning you would have to move even further back in the relationship than simply the point at which you both admitted your feelings to each other. How often did you see each other during this time? Limiting your exposure to each other would be the best tactic after you make your misgivings known to her. One thing to remember though, is that you might have a hard time keeping your own romantic feelings in check towards her if you want to continue your friendship. One's head and heart don't communicate very well during the best of times.




[troll]Synch your TV's auto off and your Sound system's auto on clocks. Sit and watch "The Break-up" to a pre-determined point, at which time the TV automatically switches off and the sound system plays "I will always love you". Stand up and invite a hug. While hugging, inch closer to the door by mock close dancing. Once the song ends, gently shove her out the door and close it. Make fake sobbing sounds. [/troll]

[Anakha56]

[troll]Synch your TV's auto off and your Sound system's auto on clocks. Sit and watch "The Break-up" to a pre-determined point, at which time the TV automatically switches off and the sound system plays "I will always love you". Stand up and invite a hug. While hugging, inch closer to the door by mock close dancing. Once the song ends, gently shove her out the door and close it. Make fake sobbing sounds. [/troll]

Thats awesome! Practice it much?

[GDI_Lord]

Limiting your exposure to each other would be the best tactic after you make your misgivings known to her. One thing to remember though, is that you might have a hard time keeping your own romantic feelings in check towards her if you want to continue your friendship. One's head and heart don't communicate very well during the best of times.

These have been in my head for a while now...

[troll]Synch your TV's auto off and your Sound system's auto on clocks. Sit and watch "The Break-up" to a pre-determined point, at which time the TV automatically switches off and the sound system plays "I will always love you". Stand up and invite a hug. While hugging, inch closer to the door by mock close dancing. Once the song ends, gently shove her out the door and close it. Make fake sobbing sounds. [/troll]

OK, I admit it, I lolled hard! I'm trying not to reply to trolls, but dude, that deserved a reply!

[KALSTER]

Practice it much?

No, not quite that heartless. Would work in a movie though.

[Tribble]

That is brilliant - had me laughing. I can just imagine the look on her face. Bwahahahahahahaha

[GDI_Lord]

Right, tomorrow evening it is...

[KALSTER]

Eish, good luck man.

[JollyJamma]

Do it. Do it naow. It's not a good relationship and it'll just flounder. We have faith in you.

[GDI_Lord]

That went better than I expected. Turns out that sometimes words and tone and body language can be misinterpreted - although I'm still not 100 percent convinced when someone says (on two separate occasions!) that "they love you, that they love you *SO* much" they're talking as a friend. Maybe 80 percent...

Well, hey, that's good news, me with having nothing more than a bruised ego and not a cracked skull or broken jaw. However, I must say, after I got that out the way as gently and as lovingly as possible, we had the deepest conversation that I've had with a girl for perhaps five years. It's like it deepened the intimacy of the relationship in a very big way. (Hopefully I can keep myself believing what I've decided and told myself, you guys and her; and not slowly become an emotional prostitute over time. Darn possible complications in a male-female friendship! :- )



I'm so tired from stressing about this thing this whole week I have no idea much longer I'll be awake. Goodnight guys!