The Problem with Bates
Forum rules
The global forum rules are found here.
NOTE: posts in this section are not counted towards your total.
The global forum rules are found here.
NOTE: posts in this section are not counted towards your total.
-
- Registered User
- Posts: 10962
- Joined: 03 Oct 2003, 02:00
- Processor: Intel 2500K
- Motherboard: Gigabyte B75M D3H
- Graphics card: inno3d Jericho 570GTX
- Memory: 8Gig DDR3 1333mhz
- Location: I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
Well the best solution is to get another one.... No seriously get another one maybe female might help...
If all else fails...there is a reliable tried and trusted consumer product...and I will post it again
If all else fails...there is a reliable tried and trusted consumer product...and I will post it again
"In my weird politically incorrect hypothetically incoherent contradicting obscured world definitively maybe"
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
so your plan is to see me slaughtered in my sleep, should i accidentally nod off on the couch? we're talking about a vicious animal well known to be focused on bonking/biting everything in existence and you would advise me to insert something up its cloaca?
i'm not even going to mention the mental agony i suffered at the thought of allowing this thing to spread its genes! that's bordering on dabbling in armageddon!
let's not forget this is a male... the idea of sharing this house with a female mongoose is filed under "bowel loosening terror"... my mind simply cannot comprehend the horror of both at the same time, (admittedly, the cats would thank you).
i'm back to pointy stick because the toaster shorted when i tossed it in the pool.... and i'm too much of a cheapskate to invest in an axe, (which is probably a little too violent anyway).
i may send a letter to PETA about this. if anyone knows about disciplining animals it's them..
<edit>
oh, sod... i hear snuffling and scratching at the door... saw him sniffing around the pool after the splash... i think he knows!
i'm not even going to mention the mental agony i suffered at the thought of allowing this thing to spread its genes! that's bordering on dabbling in armageddon!
let's not forget this is a male... the idea of sharing this house with a female mongoose is filed under "bowel loosening terror"... my mind simply cannot comprehend the horror of both at the same time, (admittedly, the cats would thank you).
i'm back to pointy stick because the toaster shorted when i tossed it in the pool.... and i'm too much of a cheapskate to invest in an axe, (which is probably a little too violent anyway).
i may send a letter to PETA about this. if anyone knows about disciplining animals it's them..
<edit>
oh, sod... i hear snuffling and scratching at the door... saw him sniffing around the pool after the splash... i think he knows!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel
Re: The Problem with Bates
Seriously though, mongeese (is that the plural?) aren't stupid and they are very social animals. Once you teach it to associate a tone of voice with some sort of punishment, it might be conditioned into stopping when you tell it to, though it is fully grown already looks like. Electrifying the water bowl won't create an association between what it is doing wrong, your voice and the punishment.
Remote controlled shock collar!
HERE is one on eBay for R137.50 with shipping included.
Cat Carrier:
Remote controlled shock collar!
HERE is one on eBay for R137.50 with shipping included.
Cat Carrier:
Last edited by KALSTER on 06 Jul 2010, 21:13, edited 2 times in total.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
-
- Registered User
- Posts: 10962
- Joined: 03 Oct 2003, 02:00
- Processor: Intel 2500K
- Motherboard: Gigabyte B75M D3H
- Graphics card: inno3d Jericho 570GTX
- Memory: 8Gig DDR3 1333mhz
- Location: I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
um yes or at least breaking its paws beforehand.....advise me to insert something up its cloaca?
"In my weird politically incorrect hypothetically incoherent contradicting obscured world definitively maybe"
- StarPhoenix
- B.Soc.Sci, M.SocSci [UPCF]
- Posts: 17634
- Joined: 11 Dec 2003, 02:00
- Processor: Core i5 3470
- Motherboard: Gigabyte G1 Sniper Z77
- Graphics card: nVidia GeForce GTX 1060
- Memory: 8Gb DDR3 1600
- Location: East London
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
The fact that no-one has yet come up with the idea of having this hellspawn's dangly bit surgically removed surprises me, though, perhaps, it shouldn't. Probably Retard of the Month material.
I take it that you have donned a sturdy pair of gloves and put on your most resilient clothing before clouting him with some rolled up newspaper [possibly dipped in a strong Valium solution] and sternly declaring "No!" or "Bad boy!" when next you catch him In flagrante delicto.
If all else fails, research Frontal Lobotomy.
I take it that you have donned a sturdy pair of gloves and put on your most resilient clothing before clouting him with some rolled up newspaper [possibly dipped in a strong Valium solution] and sternly declaring "No!" or "Bad boy!" when next you catch him In flagrante delicto.
If all else fails, research Frontal Lobotomy.
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality." T.S. Elliot
Re: The Problem with Bates
awesome thread
In the opening of the OP, I thought you and I were related - my gran is nuts with animals too.
The stun-gun was a good idea, with great potential. Now, imagine it could be used from a distance...
Wait...what's this?
http://www.bidorbuy.co.za/item/23507011 ... TANCE.html
I've never really paid much attention to mongeese, but check this out...
That's scary man....scary
In the opening of the OP, I thought you and I were related - my gran is nuts with animals too.
The stun-gun was a good idea, with great potential. Now, imagine it could be used from a distance...
Wait...what's this?
http://www.bidorbuy.co.za/item/23507011 ... TANCE.html
I've never really paid much attention to mongeese, but check this out...
That's scary man....scary
Last edited by UrBaN on 06 Jul 2010, 22:17, edited 1 time in total.
to ápeiro anima
Re: The Problem with Bates
Mammals don't have them, noob.cloaca
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
- Prime
- Registered User
- Posts: 27729
- Joined: 01 Mar 2004, 02:00
- Location: Getting into trouble
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
Is he neutered?
Cousins had a meerkat with the same sort of tendencies. Give it stuff to chew and Food. They get aggressive quite easily but with if you learn to handle and read them, they make fantastic pets.
Buy welding gloves for handling it.
Cousins had a meerkat with the same sort of tendencies. Give it stuff to chew and Food. They get aggressive quite easily but with if you learn to handle and read them, they make fantastic pets.
Buy welding gloves for handling it.
Re: The Problem with Bates
True, i know them well.Stuart wrote: Alternatively, give it to jee. That should cure it in no time.
They love eggs, and it keeps them busy, and takes their attention off ANYTHING
Word of warning - unless outside, it might be a bit messy....
they make delighful pets.
oh, and for the weekend of the 17th, hamin huns, i will rehouse my spiders as well.
"Integrity" and "integer" both contain a Latin root meaning "whole; complete." The root sense, then, is that people may be said to be acting with integrity when their beliefs, words, and actions have a sense of unity or wholeness.
-
- Registered User
- Posts: 26022
- Joined: 13 May 2004, 02:00
- Location: Getting there...
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
Why the heck don't you just set the little bugger free?rustypup wrote: Now, the issue is clearly this: How does one go about disciplining Satans' bootblack?
As an aside though - who's legs are those hairy monstrosities? Someone due for a 'neutering by mongoose'?
MOOD - Thirsty
A surprising amount of modern pseudoscience is coming out of the environmental sector. Perhaps it should not be so surprising given that environmentalism is political rather than scientific.
Timothy Casey
A surprising amount of modern pseudoscience is coming out of the environmental sector. Perhaps it should not be so surprising given that environmentalism is political rather than scientific.
Timothy Casey
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
certainly wouldn't trust myself to get this right... and any errors would result in physical signs more damning than the drugging of the water...rhood to his evil machinaStarPhoenix wrote:research Frontal Lobotomy
wait until it's savaging your safety boot... then you will know the meaning of true fear....UrBaN wrote:That's scary man....scary
quite, but what a wonderfully expressive word it is... and handily bypasses the forums filters....KALSTER wrote:Mammals don't have them
well, we've tried twice... he somehow managed to remove the tiny rubber bands, and his hearing is apparently attuned to any device intended to divorce him from his gonads, be it a set of nail clippers or gardening shears...Prime wrote:Is he neutered?
if by delightful you mean hellbent on reducing the other occupants of the house to blubbering sacks of terrified meat, then yes... delightfuljee wrote:they make delighful pets
you would have me expose the entire neighbourhood to his evil machinations?! what sort of monster would i have to be to commit such an act of terror?doo_much wrote:Why the heck don't you just set the little bugger free?
**for those who haven't twigged yet, there is no mongoose and i don't make a habit of drowning animals.. and the hairy legs were randomly picked from the internets, so you ladies can stop fantasizing...
pointy stick is still the most effective... i have begun hoarding sticks and have invested, after some wrangling for suitable discount, in a second-hand boxcutter with an almost rust-free blade with 3 segments!... quite the bargain...
i find myself camped in the bathroom because Anakha56's grease plan has resulted in his being able to squeeze through the window slats.... :/...
today's problem would therefore be the acquisition of sustenance...
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel
Re: The Problem with Bates
Indeed. I have a dog named kloak. Nobody knows what it means of course.quite, but what a wonderfully expressive word it is... and handily bypasses the forums filters
today's problem would therefore be the acquisition of sustenance...
1)You have a thing in your house that might force you to reconsider the existence of Satan.
2)You are going to get hungry.
1 + 2 = free
**liar**
Last edited by KALSTER on 07 Jul 2010, 09:32, edited 1 time in total.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
toothpaste does not agree with me...
the boss's ridiculously expensive conditioner, which smells like a beer factory and tastes like tingly death, is a hopeful supplement - if i read these ingredients correctly...
the boss's ridiculously expensive conditioner, which smells like a beer factory and tastes like tingly death, is a hopeful supplement - if i read these ingredients correctly...
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel
-
- Forum Administrator
- Posts: 22136
- Joined: 14 Jun 2004, 02:00
- Processor: Ryzen 1700K
- Motherboard: Asus X370
- Graphics card: Asus 1060 Strix
- Memory: 16GB RAM
- Location: Where Google says
Re: The Problem with Bates
How about while it is asleep you put a big ring of industrial glue around him, then wake him up and taunt him to run toward you. once he hits the glue he will not be running anywhere anytime soon. Then get him put in a full body cast with glue in the leg area's. Everyone will be safe and he will not be going anywhere...
JUSTICE, n A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
you are both a disturbingly depraved individual and a genius!Anakha56 wrote:get him put in a full body cast with glue in the leg area's.
but i suspect that a certain someone would notice the sudden appearance of a full-body cast, whereas pointy stick leaves very little evidence...
speaking of which, i suck at whittling and can now add "bleeding profusely from 'friendly stabs' " to the list of daily challenges..
i would caution against aftershave as a disinfectant...
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel
-
- Registered User
- Posts: 10962
- Joined: 03 Oct 2003, 02:00
- Processor: Intel 2500K
- Motherboard: Gigabyte B75M D3H
- Graphics card: inno3d Jericho 570GTX
- Memory: 8Gig DDR3 1333mhz
- Location: I'm so Goth, my wrists slit themselves.
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
Ratex?If you can endure the suffering...
Two step also works well.....
Baptize Satan....?
Two step also works well.....
Baptize Satan....?
"In my weird politically incorrect hypothetically incoherent contradicting obscured world definitively maybe"
Re: The Problem with Bates
Yeah, pour holy water on it and watch it's flesh boil.Baptize Satan....?
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
Intel i5 2500; AsRock Z77 Extreme 4; Asus GTX580; 4x 2GB DDR3 1333; Intel 520 240GB SSD + 2x WD 3TB + 2TB Samsung; Samsung 22X DVD/RW; 23" LG W2343T-PF; Huntkey 700W
-
- Forum Administrator
- Posts: 22136
- Joined: 14 Jun 2004, 02:00
- Processor: Ryzen 1700K
- Motherboard: Asus X370
- Graphics card: Asus 1060 Strix
- Memory: 16GB RAM
- Location: Where Google says
Re: The Problem with Bates
Then go to the extreme, close off all vents of the full body cast and tell the certain someone that you made a paper-weight replica because he beloved ran away. That should work .rustypup wrote: but i suspect that a certain someone would notice the sudden appearance of a full-body cast, whereas pointy stick leaves very little evidence...
JUSTICE, n A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
- hamin_aus
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 18363
- Joined: 28 Aug 2003, 02:00
- Processor: Intel i7 3770K
- Motherboard: GA-Z77X-UP4 TH
- Graphics card: Galax GTX1080
- Memory: 32GB G.Skill Ripjaws
- Location: Where beer does flow and men chunder
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
Get another Mongoose from the bush, prod it's rectum with a stick until it is enraged and then let it loose in the vicinity of Bates.
Hopefully they will kill each other and not only provide an end to your torment, the spectacle should produce a few minutes of satisfying viewing pleasure.
Just make sure your rival mongoose is male - or else you might find your problem multiplying...
Another solution - and one which I would have resorted to at the start of this malarkey - would be to give your sister and her entourage of furry disease and misery the old heave-ho.
Hopefully they will kill each other and not only provide an end to your torment, the spectacle should produce a few minutes of satisfying viewing pleasure.
Just make sure your rival mongoose is male - or else you might find your problem multiplying...
Another solution - and one which I would have resorted to at the start of this malarkey - would be to give your sister and her entourage of furry disease and misery the old heave-ho.
Re: The Problem with Bates
I think the problem is more with the people who adopted Bates!
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
then you, sir, are in league with the netherworld and shall be put to the torch once i have imbibed enough dutch courage, (ok, mouthwash), to put a foot out the door...capanno wrote:I love Bates.
wait.. for me or for... IT?... i realise this is purely academical as i've never been allowed near the stuff - primarily because i once used baking soda in place of flour, so this could be taken as a sign that i may accidentally flavour the fillet with strontium instead of salt...wizardofid wrote:Ratex?If you can endure the suffering...
you're a witchfinder!? because, if that's the case, i'd like to report a sighting.... <looks pointedly at capanno...>KALSTER wrote:pour holy water on it and watch it's flesh boil
this would require that i currently have access to:jamin_za wrote:Hopefully they will kill each other
- i) the necessary bush, which happens to be their natural habitat giving them a natural +8 to MDK
ii) the bravado required to intentionally approach my violent death..
my whittling efforts have finally come to fruition... my pointy stick is a fine example of the craft, (if a little bendy in the middle), and test stabs at the loofah have produced some promising results...
i have had to retreat to the shower stall as satan's cats-paw has taken to herding jumping spiders, (i lost count at 30), under the door...
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel
-
- Moderator Emeritus
- Posts: 5547
- Joined: 21 Dec 2002, 02:00
- Processor: i7 3770k
- Motherboard: ASUS P8P67-Pro
- Graphics card: 2xNvidia GTX670
- Memory: 16 GB Gskill Sniper
- Location: In SQL Space inserting 'null' on purpose
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
rusty !!! loved the read.. all I can say your sister is mad (but such is expected?)
**Cough family curse **cough
**Cough family curse **cough
Temporary Absence
Re: The Problem with Bates
Why don't you just make it disappear? Catch it by any means and then take it to a dam. Take your right hand and put it around it's head and hold the body with the left hand. In a quick and swift "squeezing the water out of a towel" motion, break it's neck.
Then tie it's lifeless body to a rock heavier than it and throw it in and let it sink to the bottom.
Go to a mates house that will cover for you as alibi. Claim the last time you saw him he was in his cage/place where you keep your mongoose.
Then tie it's lifeless body to a rock heavier than it and throw it in and let it sink to the bottom.
Go to a mates house that will cover for you as alibi. Claim the last time you saw him he was in his cage/place where you keep your mongoose.
CPU: AMD Phenom II X2 555 (OC'ed to 3.8Ghz)
CPU Cooler: CM Hyper TX3 P/P
GPU: Sapphire Radeon HD5850
Motherboard: Asus M4A785T-M
Memory: 4GB Corsair XMS3 DDR3 1333
Case: Zalman Z7
Display: Samsung Syncmaster 2243BWX
CPU Cooler: CM Hyper TX3 P/P
GPU: Sapphire Radeon HD5850
Motherboard: Asus M4A785T-M
Memory: 4GB Corsair XMS3 DDR3 1333
Case: Zalman Z7
Display: Samsung Syncmaster 2243BWX
- rustypup
- Registered User
- Posts: 8872
- Joined: 13 Dec 2004, 02:00
- Location: nullus pixius demonica
- Contact:
Re: The Problem with Bates
IcePick88 wrote:tie it's lifeless body to a rock heavier than it and throw it in and let it sink to the bottom.
1) you're an xbox gamer
2) i would not let you within 1000 yards of my pet rock... that plan was far too detailed to be anything other than unsettling..
i say again, the point is to discipline this tiny terrorist, not murder!
understatement of the millennium... but it's genetic, so that's fine...Anthro wrote:your sister is mad
as an aside, you're single... right?... just asking... no reason....
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so - Bertrand Russel