The Problem with Bates

[Anakha56]

i say again, the point is to discipline this tiny terrorist, not murder!

Are you sure? Murder does seem the best option...

FYI Dont google "How to discipline a mongoose" you end with some interesting results, none p0rn0 but still something along the lines of mongoosemom is erm ...

rusty how good is your electronic skillz? You could make a electronic bracelet that when he gets out of hand or out of his zone he gets a good dose of sparky...

[KALSTER]

rusty how good is your electronic skillz? You could make a electronic bracelet that when he gets out of hand or out of his zone he gets a good dose of sparky...

He can get one on eBay @ R137.50 with shipping included.

PS: I think more than a few of the contributors to this thread need to consider getting a pair of reading glasses.

[rustypup]

R137.50

i just blew the budget on a snazzy box cutter... this amount of spare capital would see me in the marie biscuits!...

reading glasses.

either i'm delirious with hunger, (i'm certainly feeling weaker), or those are sunglasses... or cool hand luke shades... i'm never entirely sure...
== reading glasses?

[wizardofid]

wait.. for me or for... IT?... i realise this is purely academical as i've never been allowed near the stuff - primarily because i once used baking soda in place of flour, so this could be taken as a sign that i may accidentally flavour the fillet with strontium instead of salt...

Why would I want to give you ratex? The suffering you are getting now is enough...

[StarPhoenix]

Chloroform.
Lots of Chloroform.

Then drop it off at the nearest zoo or SPCA branch.

I think jamin is onto something with his suggestion that you avoid visiting rustypuppette.

You are good at constructing arguments, are you not?
Surely you could persuade your imaginary sister to let
her menagerie free beyond suburbia. After that, buy her
an Xbox 360 and set her up on Live.

There is plenty of drinking water to be had in the bathroom, so you needn't worry about death by dehydration.
Going without food for another day or two should be manageable....else....why not order pizza and have it delivered through the window?

[Anakha56]

rusty can I ask you a huge favour? May I please borrow Bates? I have a room full of managers and the master key to the building, you can see where I am going with this?

[KALSTER]

reading glasses.

either i'm delirious with hunger, (i'm certainly feeling weaker), or those are sunglasses... or cool hand luke shades... i'm never entirely sure...
== reading glasses?

I see this: and think this:



Suggestion x:

1)Buy a cheap stuffed toy (one that would look sexy to a beast from Hades)
2)Buy one of those gag shock pens

1 + 2 = fun for you and learning for the critter!

[StarPhoenix]

I have a hunch that Bates exists only in Rusty's imagination,as may his sister, or at least the version of her he has portrayed in this thread.

Are we being wound up?


Suggestion x+n:

Persuade a Succubus to stalk the hellion.

They can be lots of trouble, can Succubi.

[wizardofid]

On the other hand since you are hungry this would result in the best of both worlds......

Eat it ! Crab broth with succulent Cajun mongoose riblets on a bed of rice...

[KALSTER]

On the other hand since you are hungry this would result in the best of both worlds......

Eat it ! Crab broth with succulent Cajun mongoose riblets on a bed of rice...

You are the second to suggest this. Viable option indeed.

[wizardofid]

Pitty google did not find any recipes....just some mongoose Wow thing...

[Anakha56]

I am pretty sure you can substitute ferret with mongoose...

http://www.canadaka.net/forums/jibber-j ... t7143.html

4 skinned ferrets
Flour
Salt
Pepper
Butter
1 cup Sherry
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of celery soup
1 jar sliced mushrooms

Cover whole ferrets with flour, salt and pepper. Brown in melted butter in heavy skillet over medium-high heat until nicely browned on all sides. Remove pieces from skillet and arrange in oven casserole with cover. When ferrets are browned, add 1 cup white wine or sherry to skillet. Then mix in 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 1 can cream of chicken soup, 1 can cream of celery soup, and 1 jar sliced mushrooms. Mix well and bring to boil, then pour over ferrets. Cover and bake in 325-degree oven for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, or until done and tender. Remove ferrets to serving platter and pour some of the sauce over, and serve the rest alongside. Serves 4.

[IcePick88]

I don't think it's possible to discipline a wild mongoose.

The way I see it, you have two options:

Option A: You take it back to where it came from or release it into the wild.
Option B: Capture the mongoose and put it in a cardboard box. At least put some holes in the top to prevent it from suffocating.

Then you get something heavy like a old and not being used fridge. Hoist the fridge into the ceiling of the garage with a block and tackle and place the box under the fridge. With some trickery and Mythbusters ingenuity, release the fridge to drop onto the box with the critter in it.

Pros: Silent and instant death. The mongoose will never see it coming nor feel it.
Cons: Messy. The box will break open and spill the insides of the mongoose all over the floor. Cleaning up will be the worst part, but if you watch CSI enough, you will sure have some tips on how to get rid of all the red "cooldrink" on the floor without it being detected by some incredible UV light. Ammonia works a treat!

[SykomantiS]

I don't think it's possible to discipline a wild mongoose.

The way I see it, you have two options:

Option A: You take it back to where it came from or release it into the wild.
Option B: Capture the mongoose and put it in a cardboard box. At least put some holes in the top to prevent it from suffocating.

Then you get something heavy like a old and not being used fridge. Hoist the fridge into the ceiling of the garage with a block and tackle and place the box under the fridge. With some trickery and Mythbusters ingenuity, release the fridge to drop onto the box with the critter in it.

Pros: Silent and instant death. The mongoose will never see it coming nor feel it.
Cons: Messy. The box will break open and spill the insides of the mongoose all over the floor. Cleaning up will be the worst part, but if you watch CSI enough, you will sure have some tips on how to get rid of all the red "cooldrink" on the floor without it being detected by some incredible UV light. Ammonia works a treat!

Dunno if it's just me, but what part of dropping a fridge from the ceiling is silent?

[IcePick88]

I don't think it's possible to discipline a wild mongoose.

The way I see it, you have two options:

Option A: You take it back to where it came from or release it into the wild.
Option B: Capture the mongoose and put it in a cardboard box. At least put some holes in the top to prevent it from suffocating.

Then you get something heavy like a old and not being used fridge. Hoist the fridge into the ceiling of the garage with a block and tackle and place the box under the fridge. With some trickery and Mythbusters ingenuity, release the fridge to drop onto the box with the critter in it.

Pros: Silent and instant death. The mongoose will never see it coming nor feel it.
Cons: Messy. The box will break open and spill the insides of the mongoose all over the floor. Cleaning up will be the worst part, but if you watch CSI enough, you will sure have some tips on how to get rid of all the red "cooldrink" on the floor without it being detected by some incredible UV light. Ammonia works a treat!

Dunno if it's just me, but what part of dropping a fridge from the ceiling is silent?

I meant the mongoose will not make a sound when being crushed.

[KALSTER]

What you will need:

1) 1 x U-bolt
2) 1 x long tent hook
3) 2 x bicycle tubes, cut to make two straight pieces of elastic.
4) An old central locking set with remote.
5) Some electrical cable.
6) A piece of corrugated iron
7) Piece of raw meat

Construction:

1) Fasten the U-bolt to the middle of the piece of corrugated iron.
2) Tie one end of each elastic to two upright structures, like two trees, about 4 meters up.
3) Fasten the other ends to the sides of the corrugated iron.
4) Hammer the tent hook into the ground half-way between the trees, but about 4 meters away from them.
5) Connect the central locking assembly to your car battery using the electrical cable.
6) Switch the central locking motor with pin to a closed position and insert the pin through the hole made by the tent hook.
7) Pull down the corrugated iron and hook the U-bolt under the pin of the central locking assembly.

Method:

1) Place the piece of meat on the corrugated iron and call loudly: "Bates! Bates! Din-din!"
2) Hide
3) Giggle like a maniac.
4) When he is in position, press the button of salvation.
5) Marvel at my genius.

Protip: This is a good opportunity to piss off annoying neighbours, so you might want to aim in their direction.
Protip 2: It might be a good idea to position a lasso around the meat, connected to a lit, good sized cherry bomb. You would not want it finding it's way back!

[doo_much]

I am pretty sure you can substitute ferret with mongoose...

http://www.canadaka.net/forums/jibber-j ... t7143.html

4 skinned ferrets
Flour
Salt
Pepper
Butter
1 cup Sherry
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of celery soup
1 jar sliced mushrooms

Cover whole ferrets with flour, salt and pepper. Brown in melted butter in heavy skillet over medium-high heat until nicely browned on all sides. Remove pieces from skillet and arrange in oven casserole with cover. When ferrets are browned, add 1 cup white wine or sherry to skillet. Then mix in 1 can cream of mushroom soup, 1 can cream of chicken soup, 1 can cream of celery soup, and 1 jar sliced mushrooms. Mix well and bring to boil, then pour over ferrets. Cover and bake in 325-degree oven for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, or until done and tender. Remove ferrets to serving platter and pour some of the sauce over, and serve the rest alongside. Serves 4.

Not enough sherry...

[wizardofid]

Now scale these up a bit to say "Satan reincarnated in a form of a mongoose" size...sit back and enjoy the fun....

http://gizmodo.com/5029066/10-hilarious ... th-gadgets

[jee]

you guys are the pits !

http://www.furrytalk.com/2010/06/20-pic ... -meerkats/

[Prime]

you guys are the pits !

http://www.furrytalk.com/2010/06/20-pic ... -meerkats/

Yeah, they are cute but they can get very aggressive. They are very loyal though.

Get him a dog chew toy and get the rottie to drool all over it. should keep him occupied.

[Anakha56]

Huh seems Bates is only good enough to be number 6 in this article:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18860_6- ... 2340k.html

6 Animals That Just Don't Give A ****
By Danny Vittore Nov 30, 2010 1,121,130 views

Some animals are boring, and that's fine: They're all gathering nuts or looking for mates or marking territory or some stupid ****. Hey, you know, whatever floats your boat, squirrel. We prefer the animals that just straight don't give a ****: the ones that punch sharks in the willy, ghost-ride somebody else's whip, beer-bong tequila and look you dead in the eye while plowing your girlfriend. Animals like:

#6. Mongoose
It's common knowledge that the mongoose and the snake are mortal enemies. And you'd think that statement is one-sided: On the one hand, you've got the very emblem of evil and sin -- a scaled, wriggling tube of poison, fangs and death. On the other hand you've got what looks like a cross between a rat and Prince Charles.

...

Read more about Bates by following the link. As with everything cracked.com please be aware of the fact that they use a strong amount of language .

[Prime]

Since someone send me a picture of their friends Cape grey mongoose, I was reminded of this thread