Advice needed with break-up

[Ark]

here's the deal..

I've been going out with a this girl for about 7 months, and to be honest.. its not working out.
I just don't feel the same about her anymore and we have absolutely nothing in common. I've always had clean break-ups in the past, but this situation is different...

I have reason to believe that I'm her first real boyfriend. She's very clingy and got very attached to me and if I leave her, she will be badly hurt and I can't bring myself to do that, because I care about her too much..
Another thing that makes this difficult is.. she hasn't done anything wrong. I honestly don't have even the slightest bad thing to say about her.

Is there a "minimal damage" way to get out of this relationship?

[RuadRauFlessa]

Yeah. Start taking avoiding her for extended periods. Start off slowly though. With like a 5 min break and then 10min oh and then just jump to 1 week. then 3 weeks then 2 months and then it should be over. Or she will start grasping the reality of the situation. Well either she will or you will grasp the reality. Just a hint: Breakups are never clean

[ryanrich]

I think it would be more fair to her to tell her the truth and get it over with now than staying with her just because you're scared to hurt her feeling. The longer it goes on like that the worse it's going to be further down the line...

[po10cy]

yeah and you owe it to her if you do care for her to be honest, shrugging her off to the side might actually hurt her more, she hasnt done anything wrong like you say just bite down hard, sit her and down and for your conscience aswell end it properly. that way she also doesnt have months of not knowing what went wrong etc.

whenever a relationship breaks up someone will get hurt, you cant avoid it, the best way to soften the blow is to talk about it so she fully understands why.

[Jonboy]

If you care about this girl that much then maybe there's something deeper that you need to rediscover? Sometimes the worst mistakes are the one's you only realise too late.

Otherwise you owe it to her to be honest.

[Ark]

I think it would be more fair to her to tell her the truth and get it over with now than staying with her just because you're scared to hurt her feeling. The longer it goes on like that the worse it's going to be further down the line...

yeah and you owe it to her if you do care for her to be honest, shrugging her off to the side might actually hurt her more, she hasnt done anything wrong like you say just bite down hard, sit her and down and for your conscience aswell end it properly. that way she also doesnt have months of not knowing what went wrong etc.

whenever a relationship breaks up someone will get hurt, you cant avoid it, the best way to soften the blow is to talk about it so she fully understands why.

I was afraid you guys may say that...

eish..

this is going to suck.. wish me luck

[RuadRauFlessa]

yeah and you owe it to her if you do care for her to be honest, shrugging her off to the side might actually hurt her more, she hasnt done anything wrong like you say just bite down hard, sit her and down and for your conscience aswell end it properly. that way she also doesnt have months of not knowing what went wrong etc.

whenever a relationship breaks up someone will get hurt, you cant avoid it, the best way to soften the blow is to talk about it so she fully understands why.

Just like I said

Just a hint: Breakups are never clean

[Frozenfireside]

My mate had one of those clingy girls and dated her for 3 years. That's a long time. He was her first and see was really needy (She got him to go to her house in the South to pick up a blanket and drop it off at her res in PTA, tukkies).

In the end he said "you are a lovely girl but..." and broke it off. I'm sure she was hurt but he, and no one, can live a lie.

I think you can't break it off painlessly-there will always be some pain.

[DAE_JA_VOO]

I think it would be more fair to her to tell her the truth and get it over with now than staying with her just because you're scared to hurt her feeling. The longer it goes on like that the worse it's going to be further down the line...

+1.

I've had to do the whole break up thing, and even when there IS something to break up about, it still sucks. I once had to break up with a girl for a number of reasons, but i STILL cared so deeply for her, and it was really painful for me.

Ark, dude, it's going to suck, no matter how you do it. So just do it now and get it over with.

Good luck man

[po10cy]

yeah nothing worse than breaking up with someone you do love and care for but you just can see it wont work.

[Kasyx]

The Wright Brothers, when in an argument, would often switch points of view so that they could understand eachother's points more clearly.

The same applies to relationships. One often needs to put oneself in the other person's shoes. Just think what it would be like if you were crazy about her and she just started slowly ignoring you (as RuadRauFlessa suggests, and I think would quite possibly be one of the most hurtful things you could do to her. This is not the sixth grade.). Also imagine what it would be like if you gave her everything and she just didn't feel the same yet prolonged the relationship simply out of pity.

Fact is, this is going to suck, but when it comes to break ups, honesty is the best policy. I had a girl break up with me (my first real girlfriend, I was madly in love with her) by telling me "My feelings have changed". That SERIOUSLY sucked for me, but after a while I realised that I was grateful for her honesty.

Do the right thing. Tell her the truth.

[GreyWolf]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

[RuadRauFlessa]

The same applies to relationships. One often needs to put oneself in the other person's shoes. Just think what it would be like if you were crazy about her and she just started slowly ignoring you (as RuadRauFlessa suggests, and I think would quite possibly be one of the most hurtful things you could do to her. This is not the sixth grade.).

Err Did you read my whole post.

[justinufo]

Breaking up is never fun. .Its unavoidable.Especially if your the one getting hurt.Anyway its best just to get it over and done with.Its always hard to do something like that but best of luck dude.

[c0d3r]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

To a girl that simply means "it's you, not me".

Be honest and open towards her - she will appreciate it much more than you just starting to ignore her or if you start being nasty to her.

[RuadRauFlessa]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

Wahahaha classic. Never good though cuz it always leads to more questions.

[Screeper]

Yup, what most of the guys have said.
Be honest and break it to her clean.
My ex stumbled and dragged it out over months before she finally got the courage to break up with me and it was the worst few months of my life. Not knowing what was going on in her head and thinking maybe she would come back etc..
In hindsight I wish she had broken up with me straight and honestly, it would have hurt like hell but it would have been way better than stringing it out over months.

Good luck Ark

[Synthesis]

It isn't nice having to break up with someone who doesn't deserve it so here's my solution that's worked for me and enabled us to even be friends for years.
Get her to break up with you. I always had the same problem of being too soft-hearted and couldn't bring myself to do it. So over a short time I would "act" in a way that was easy to bring on a conversation when the time was right and even if they don't take the bait, you suggest it in a way that they agree to the break up and it ends up being their decision.

Good luck btw.

[GreyWolf]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

Wahahaha classic. Never good though cuz it always leads to more questions.

yeah, but this time its true. HE is not happy with the relationship, even though there is nothing wrong with the girl. So he is being honest. Furthermore the statement can lead to a deeper explanation.

[RuadRauFlessa]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

Wahahaha classic. Never good though cuz it always leads to more questions.

yeah, but this time its true. HE is not happy with the relationship, even though there is nothing wrong with the girl. So he is being honest. Furthermore the statement can lead to a deeper explanation.

+1 then

[Synthesis]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

Wahahaha classic. Never good though cuz it always leads to more questions.

Unless you SMS it while out partying with friends. Hell, if you feel bad about doing it like that, mms a video message, but you got to have the party noise and background.

[RuadRauFlessa]

5 words: "it's not you, it's me"

Wahahaha classic. Never good though cuz it always leads to more questions.

Unless you SMS it while out partying with friends. Hell, if you feel bad about doing it like that, mms a video message, but you got to have the party noise and background.

Oooh yeah and the other girls too

[markman]

Here are some guidelines...

" I discovered I have a mild form of epilepsy and you bring on attacks because you make me too excited to be around you. "

" I have a pet dog, he kisses like you, his breath is like yours, he pants like you. I love him dearly but I wouldn't want to marry him. Lets part before this goes any farther. "

" We just grew apart I don't need you anymore. "

" You mean more to me than life itself - but I'm suicidal. "

" I want someone who can buy me a new car. "

" I'm sorry, but there just isn't room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator."

" You're too young for me. I mean, too *old*. We're the same age? Well, that doesn't work for me, either."

" My dog is having puppies and I need to take a year off in order to train them to attack your picture."

" This just isn't for me. Nothing personal. I want to be able to tell people I'm single."

" You talked about the future, and that freaked me out. It makes me sick to think about it."

[Hex_Rated]

" I'm sorry, but there just isn't room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator."

Use this one.

[Frozenfireside]

Lookup nada surf-popular. Really. It's a good song on breaking up.