And that's how the fight started ..........

[Anakha56]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place
expensive ... so, I took her to a petrol station.


...and that's how the fight started.

*************************************

After retiring, I went to the Benefits Office to sort out my pension.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's licence to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I
told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my pension
application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
benefits office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your trousers. You might have got
disability, too'


...and that's how the fight started.

***********************************************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'



...and that's how the fight started.

************************************************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just
get so stressed and little
things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it ... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'


And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first. 'I'll have the rump steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'


And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

[Firestrm_ZA]

give us more

[ryanrich]

Hahaha, awesome stuff for a Friday afternoon, thanks Anakha!

[Anakha56]

I wish I had more.

[Screeper]

Classic!
Although they could easily be popped into the 'Jokes' thread

[Anakha56]

It needed its own thread because they are so good...

[Frozenfireside]

Epic thread-they are really really good.

[Anthro]

oh my sack THAT WAS FUNNY

[DeathStrike]

hell yeah. very funny. my mom came in to ask y am i laughing so much.

[fallen_angel]

I only found this now... Had to call my dad for this one

dont know who was cracking himself more... me or my dad

Anyway im off to the Sasol garage to go get roses for the missus now coz she and my mom came looking for us and found us rolling with laughter

[Anakha56]

---------------------------------

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And then the fight started....

--------------------------------------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her
not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

---------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and
to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------------------------------------------



I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

--------------------------------------------------------------------

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always
something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was
gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep
the driveway.'

and then the fight started...

---------------------------------

A few more I received. We must try keep this thread updated if new ones pop up.

[Tribble]

ROFL

[Firestrm_ZA]

[justinufo]

[DeathStrike]

very good

[Synthesis]

No, I don't want credit and I'll refrain from flaming a moderator that should've noticed this himself but anyway http://forums.pcformat.co.za/viewtopic. ... 3#p1161653 There are at least some new ones.

[Anakha56]

Syn if you look at the time of my thread and the time of your post well lets just say I am older . So you should have done a search and you would have found this thread .

[lancelot]

Reminds me of the TV ad where the wife asks the guy if her jeans make her butt look big.
He says , No Dear, the chocolates make your butt look big.

Then the fight starts, by her look anyway.

[IcePick88]

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and

whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that?'

& And then the fight started ...