Neale's News 24. Events in the spam thread

[Anakha56]

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

[hamin_aus]

Sent from my PC because I am not a gaylord

[Hman]

Sent from my PC because I am not a gaylord

Lolled.

[Tribble]

Brilliant Mouse! It has been to long since the last installment. Shows you woman are not meant for driving especially those who have feline traits...

Sent from my HTC Desire using Tapatalk

Oh my - you have no idea what my imagination is doing to you now Hman would know.

I must thank Renault and my own dear car for saving my life this morning. A stupid oaf on his cell phone (driving a white Nissan something or other) pulled in front of my car just as the traffic started to speed up. It would have been fine if there had actually been space in front of me, and if he had indicated his intention. Doofus - you use the indicator before you turn and not as you turn! As it is - my car stopped instantly and he managed to squeeze into the gap. My car shouted loudly at him but as he was on his cell - I doubt that he even heard her.

I pictured this thread in that moment - and very nearly made this a prophesy. Except the little girl would have been replaced by a cowering man - and he would not have gotten away No one puts my baby at risk!

[StarPhoenix]

So Tribble, will you be sueing SpamNews24 for defamation of character?

[Tribble]

Mmmmmm that is a possiblity. I am looking at hiring the puppy as my lawyer

[StarPhoenix]

/rubs hands together while grinning impishly.

*Dog defends Cat in Trial of the Century*

[Tribble]

As long as the cat wins a huge settlement - it will make for good reading

[Stuart]

/rubs hands together while grinning impishly.

*Dog defends Cat in Trial of the Century*

The mouse would have to fit in there somewhere too. It's not really a Tom and Jerry scene, I'm afraid.

[Tribble]

"Cat and Dog take Mouse to court" - Full story coming up
OR
"Pandemonium in court as cat uses dog to sue mouse" - Pictures available
OR
"Mouse loses his hole over story"
OR
"Church Mouse in court - Cat sues"
.........

[CapNemo]

"Dog defends cat against mouse"

[Stuart]

SPAM NEWS 24

Sexting in Spamville: The Naked Truth
by Stuart, whose status as SN24 reporter may well be under review after the report below has been read by Certain Memebers of the Council

Spamville was rocked this afternoon by reports that US Representative for New York's 9th Congressional District, Anthony Weiner, may have hacked accounts of at least two high-ranking Spamville Officials. Weiner was recently implicated in a sexting scandal--dubbed Weinergate--when he used social media website Twitter to send sexually suggestive pictures to a 21-year-old Washington State woman. After initially denying the rumours, Weiner eventually admitted to having sent sexually explicit photos and messages to no fewer than six women over a three-year period--both during and after his marriage.

Staff at Intelligence are investigating reports that Weiner may have hacked the accounts of Spamville Officials iRon2K and ryanrich.

The reports first surfaced when a Spamville Resident and die-hard Manchester United supporter, identified only as "Prime," erroneously received a message (presumably intended for iRon2K) suggesting that toilet tissue salesman DJT (whose spelling ability was famously brought under attack last October) intended to masterbait The Blue Lurker. DJT's obsession with iRon2K is well documented, and it is even suspected that he may be the True Genius behind The Blue Lurker's personalised Facebook account. DJT's claims that the message was a reply to a suggestive sext message received from The Blue Lurker himself was widely met with derision, but when the message in question was shown to Intelligence, investigations into a possible Weiner hack began immediately.

Further fuel was added to the fire when iRon2K's fellow Spamville Official, ryanrich, who is widely considered a Genuine Role Model to Children of All Ages because of his profound (sometimes draconian) Code of Morals and Ethics, admitted to "going naked at the moment." Spamville resident Maclaren, openly criticised for his decision to allow his daughter access to a Blackberry smart phone was "shocked, outraged and just a little hurt" by ryanrich's admission. Maclaren's daughter was immediately ordered to remove all ryanrich posters from her bedroom walls, and ryanrich's Disney Channel sitcom has been placed on hold until further notice. Unconfirmed reports have suggested that ryanrich may be replaced by Charlie Sheen if his wild-eyed claims that "Weiner hacked my account" prove to be unfounded.

It has been suggested by Those In The Know that the publication of this report will invite widespread persecution against the Writer and his Family. Refuge has been provided in an Undisclosed Location. The Writer's Password has been changed and strengthened. SN24 Editor-in-Chief, NealeDeadlyAlien has graciously promised to cover any and all litigation fees arising from the above report.

[CapNemo]

It however seems that the editor & chief got a head start on the reporter since he hasn't been seen in public for some time now

[Prime]

I think Weiner has to be a really unfortunate name for someone caught in a sex scandal.

Weinergate?

[KatrynKat]

Ron and DJT... sitting in a tree...
K I S S I N G.....

[Ron2K]

Ron and DJT... sitting in a tree...
K I S S I N G.....

About that... when I went along to Organised Chaos at the end of May, I got around to registration at the front desk, and this little episode played out:

Girl at registration desk: "OK, we need your next of kin details in case something happens to you..."
Me: "Erm... uhm...."
DJT: "No worries, use my details."
Registration girl: (speaking to DJT) "OK, how do you know him?"
DJT: (putting his arm around me) "We're engaged!"

I turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, and the poor girl at the registration desk didn't know what to do next...

[KatrynKat]

sooo..... when's the wedding???

[Prime]

Ron and DJT... sitting in a tree...
K I S S I N G.....

About that... when I went along to Organised Chaos at the end of May, I got around to registration at the front desk, and this little episode played out:

Girl at registration desk: "OK, we need your next of kin details in case something happens to you..."
Me: "Erm... uhm...."
DJT: "No worries, use my details."
Registration girl: (speaking to DJT) "OK, how do you know him?"
DJT: (putting his arm around me) "We're engaged!"

I turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, and the poor girl at the registration desk didn't know what to do next...

Congrats you two!

And you got timmy to come out the closet

[Stuart]

I think Weiner has to be a really unfortunate name for someone caught in a sex scandal.

Weinergate?

About that, how is the guy's name actually pronounced? Radio reporters have been talking of "Weener" all the time, but then surely his name would be spelled "ie" rather than "ei"? The way it is spelled would make better sense to pronounce it "Wayner" oar possibly "Whiner." Unless this is another case of I after E except in an American politician's pants.

[Tribble]

It is Weiner (Wayner) - and he must be the unluckiest man on this planet

Mousey - brilliant reporting. I tracked down the naked bit but was sad to see there were no photos

[Stuart]

You "managed to track down" something that I specifically linked? Well done!

[Tribble]

Yeah well I am the resident dumb blonde -you should be impressed

[Stuart]

SPAM NEWS 24

From KK to KKK: The Rise of White Supremacy in Spamville
by Stuart, whose paranoia reached new heights after claims that The Lesser Blue Lurker was "after" him with a ladder and a pair of wire cutters

Yesterday's shock revelations concerning Ryan "Clean Cut Boy" Rich's "going naked" scandal (reports of a Weiner hack are still under investigation) were compounded late last night with Mr Rich's confession that he is in fact a Grand Wizard for the infamous Ku Klux Klan, an American far right organisation which promotes white supremacy. Accusations regarding Mr Rich's racism surfaced earlier in the day when Australian Advocate for Children's Rights to Stuffed Animals and Granny Smith Apples, jamin_za, burst into tears and screamed, "You are a racist!"

A thorough search of all Mr Rich's documented statements returned 97 matches to the term "black" and reveal overwhelming evidence of racist philosophies. Whilst claiming that he "prefers blacks," Mr Rich also believes that blacks leave behind more fingerpints (ostensibly at crime scenes) and that blacks are plain and boring. He is also known to poke fun at blacks who are unfortunate enough to bear the name Rebecca. Whilst claiming to have enjoyed the film Black Swan, Mr Rich praised most highly the performance white actress Natalie Portman. He is also known to have stated quite categorically that "blacks annoy the crap out of me."

A corresponding search of Mr Rich's documented statements for reference to "white" revealed only 71 matches, and the contrast could not be more obvious. Mr Rich praises whites as "great in person" and it was in the context of looking at "nice" whites that he made the decision to "go naked." When confronted with the accusation toward racism, Mr Rich openly cried, "White power!" But perhaps most shocking of all is Mr Rich's apparent stockpiling of black to white conversion kits.

Reactions to Mr Rich's confession have been varied. Spamville resident Maclaren, who yesterday ordered his daughter to remove all posters of Mr Rich from her bedroom walls following the sexting scandal, burst into tears and called the reports "the biggest scandal since Daniel Radcliff posed nude with a horse." Spamville matriarchs jee and Tribble offered no comment, choosing instead to continue scouring the Net for naked pictures of Mr Rich. ANCYL president Julius Malema, famed for masking his own racist outbursts under the banner of "historical significance" expressed admiration at Mr Rich's blameshifting abilities, and confessed a sense of profound jealousy that he hadn't first thought of blaming Apple for racism. Apple CEO Steve Jobs responded with a vow to patent the name iRyanRich and to take legal action against Mr Rich. Apple legal advisers have already begun cooking up charges.

Authorities have also begun investigating Mr Rich's proclivity for "fourteen-year-olds with great ( . Y . )."

Further snappy comments have been foregone at advice from SN24's legal council, Captain "Multiple Personality" Emo.

[KatrynKat]

s

[Tribble]

Oh mouse you have surpassed yesterday's article - brilliant