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Hi

I am sure that the majority of regulars on this site have been at a LAN of some sort before and\or will be attending some in future. I have also attended lan-together's - some with friends in the lounge\dining room, some in a garage on the "bring your chum along" principle and some mega 100+ LAN's organized by an entity on a "register-and-pay-then-play" tournament basis. On all of these LAN's I (and friends) have encountered the 5 brain-dead persona's below. I have categorized them for you to notice and avoid.

1. Johnny "I didn't notice".
That's the guy that spills his drink on the table with a low-volume-verbal "oops", only for you to find your display's pedestal glued to the table once you leave hours later. Recognize him by the thin shaky arms and cooler bag with 50% booze.

2. Stevey "the frowning-head shaker".
He's the one that insists pettily on his game or map or game config setting, only because he practiced that map to death, knows every nook and cranny, but only if crates are enabled, with the quick start setting ticked with 6 players and he have the starting position in the top right hand corner of said map. Recognize him as the one insisting on hosting the game on his pc, even though he only runs a Celeron.

3. Maurice "the check my mod" wank3r.
Maurice is the one that selects the table where everyone have to walk past, with his case window (there WILL be a window, trust me!) facing the traffic. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT engage in conversation or compliment his case, as that will result in a lengthy discussion of his demel tool sizes and his 12 different sizes sand paper and air brushes. Recognize him by his rig with more colored lights and diodes than a 80's disco.

4. Nelly "the DJ".
Nelly is one of the most annoying lanners, as he conveniently forgot to bring his earphones. Dont be fooled though. The only reason why he "forgot" was so that he can market his latest virtual DJ compilation, a mix of Roxette and Mandoza. The downside of this is that when you' all get down to serious gaming, everybody's being drowned out by his souped sound. Recognize him from the installed 7.1 surround rig with sub and satellites all around him.

5. Jack "the unscrupulous pirate".
Nothing much needs to be said about Jack. His favorite line is "I have the no-cd patch". He is not beyond scanning the network neighborhood to find shares with no passwords to leech whatever he can, like a thief at an accident scene on the N1 around Jhb. He's the one that holds up the session because he needs to install the latest patch as his pirated version cant join the hosted game. Recognize him by his 3 or more virtual CD\DVD drives (Nero ImageDrive etc).

Dont say you have not been warned !!

S

PS If you know of any other characters out there to be wary of, make us aware !

[edit by neon - edited title from "updated to no. 22" to what it is now]

thats funny and true sojourn well done!

4 is so tru i wish those idiots would get the hint that nooe wants to listen to there junk

hehee - I've never been to a LAN-Party, but this is terribly funny! hehehe

I heard of this one guy (his LAN name is electric underpants) is really deadly at counterstrike. he used to be one of the best in SA, so if any one fights him in CS, give up.

LOOL!!!!

That is damn funny dude LOL!!!!

What, the name? I also find it a funny name!

But I'm being serious about him being good at CS.

hmmm a glitch in the matrix ?

MongwopMan wrote:LOOL!!!!

That is damn funny dude LOL!!!!

I think MongwopMan is talking about the original post being funny....

heres a 6th one:

6. Sojourn "know it all"

this is the guy you meet at a lan and he knows all the different okes around....regulars...noobs...pros...you name it and hes even catergorised them into "groups"....need to know the show? look for this bro....

(hahah...im only kidding sojourn...just felt like a spam input...hehe...feel free to put me in a group if you must..

Yep pretty good!

PS. What does everyone have against no-cd patches??

Sojourn wrote: 2. Stevey "the frowning-head shaker".
He's the one that insists pettily on his game or map or game config setting, only because he practiced that map to death, knows every nook and cranny, but only if crates are enabled, with the quick start setting ticked with 6 players and he have the starting position in the top right hand corner of said map. Recognize him as the one insisting on hosting the game on his pc, even though he only runs a Celeron.

I know a guy like this xps_anarchy. He believes that de_dashur3 is the only map to play in CS and if he sits at your PC he will change your settings including your mouse sensititvity. He has his mouse set real slow 3.0 in CS while i play with at between 10 - 13.3

1. Johnny "I didn't notice".
That's the guy that spills his drink on the table with a low-volume-verbal "oops", only for you to find your display's pedestal glued to the table once you leave hours later. Recognize him by the thin shaky arms and cooler bag with 50% booze.

2. Stevey "the frowning-head shaker".
He's the one that insists pettily on his game or map or game config setting, only because he practiced that map to death, knows every nook and cranny, but only if crates are enabled, with the quick start setting ticked with 6 players and he have the starting position in the top right hand corner of said map. Recognize him as the one insisting on hosting the game on his pc, even though he only runs a Celeron.

3. Maurice "the check my mod" wank3r.
Maurice is the one that selects the table where everyone have to walk past, with his case window (there WILL be a window, trust me!) facing the traffic. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT engage in conversation or compliment his case, as that will result in a lengthy discussion of his demel tool sizes and his 12 different sizes sand paper and air brushes. Recognize him by his rig with more colored lights and diodes than a 80's disco.

4. Nelly "the DJ".
Nelly is one of the most annoying lanners, as he conveniently forgot to bring his earphones. Dont be fooled though. The only reason why he "forgot" was so that he can market his latest virtual DJ compilation, a mix of Roxette and Mandoza. The downside of this is that when you' all get down to serious gaming, everybody's being drowned out by his souped sound. Recognize him from the installed 7.1 surround rig with sub and satellites all around him.

5. Jack "the unscrupulous pirate".
Nothing much needs to be said about Jack. His favorite line is "I have the no-cd patch". He is not beyond scanning the network neighborhood to find shares with no passwords to leech whatever he can, like a thief at an accident scene on the N1 around Jhb. He's the one that holds up the session because he needs to install the latest patch as his pirated version cant join the hosted game. Recognize him by his 3 or more virtual CD\DVD drives (Nero ImageDrive etc).

6. Rob "the hacking\cracking\cheat mechanic".
Rob has been banned from at least one game session at his Lan because of his netherworld plug-ins and cheats. Rob's used to be the pimply faced kiddie on the first online version of Diablo, responsible for many second level character death's with his two day old 76th level barbarian fighter. He's also the netbus king, always on the prowl for that ultimate prank without being caught out. Recognize him as the guy asking you to run a file on your pc - gauranteed to be a backdoor app.

7.Andrè "the moaning groaner".
Andrè's a likable guy. Really. That is until he joins up to a hosted game. His lack of overall "gaming-talent" not only makes him the most easy and propable target\cannon fodder, but it also turns him into a cursing generator, the words yet to be matched, no duplicate per sentence. Andrè invaruably ends up sitting back on his chair with his arms crossed on his chest lamenting the fact (despite his new 6600gt and 3500+ AMD) that his hardware is costing him frags, while the rest carries on gaming, ignorant. Thus he can be recognized.




S

Larry the Leech - doesn't come to LANs to play games but rather to leech as much software/music/video/porn as he can and then gloat Gollum-like over all his new loot. Recognizable through his shifty-eyed approach and constant nasal dribble, this guy has the latest high-capacity hard drives on which to store all his stuff; the poor version of this guy insists that you burn him a CD or DVD now - and he conveniently never has a spare blank of his own. He's the reason for lag on the network and should be pitchforked in his chair before being thrown out.

Thrall wrote:Larry the Leech - doesn't come to LANs to play games but rather to leech as much software/music/video/porn as he can and then gloat Gollum-like over all his new loot. Recognizable through his shifty-eyed approach and constant nasal dribble, this guy has the latest high-capacity hard drives on which to store all his stuff; the poor version of this guy insists that you burn him a CD or DVD now - and he conveniently never has a spare blank of his own. He's the reason for lag on the network and should be pitchforked in his chair before being thrown out.

Sounds like the anime people on this forum !!

S

I know a couple of them

Sojourn wrote:

Thrall wrote:Larry the Leech -........

Sounds like the anime people on this forum !!

S

OI!!!!!!!!!!!!! forget that backrub i have promised you!

Now thats not nice, saying so. I only leach anime from someone after I asked him. And when no-one is playing.

ROFL!!!! Sojourn awesome stuff! This is probably the funniest thing I have read in months. Great job. The modder dude with his windowed case, oh my, lol! I know lots of those guys from lans.

Oh nice one, Thrall too.

Here another one, my descriptions aren't great so edit them (or not include them), whatever, anyway :

Tim "the Uber gamer". This is the only guy who brings his own chair to the lan, and not just any chair, but a full lounge sofa chair with back support. He brings all kinds of periphals like a force feedback steering and flight sim joystick. Has a 200Gb hdd of just installed games like NFSU2, MS Flight Sim, Nascar 2005, etc. of which nobody else plays. Would bring crash helmet and driving gloves if his mini-fridge didn't take up so much space in the car. Recognise him with his 8 litres of Coke and Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons appearance - brown hair worn in a pony-tail, prescription pants and a double chin.

Quinton "The Anime Guy". Has 400Gb's of anime leeched from lan's. Can recite every line from Naruto and is forever burning dvd's of them. He watchs them at lans while other people are playing multiplayer Battlefield 2 or Call Of Duty. Is forever installing and re-installing codec's as well.

Matt "The Insomiac". This guy plays CounterStrike Source the whole weekend like it's a marathon, survives primarily on coffee and yells and swears constantly waking everybody up every 45 minutes.

Anton "The Dota Fanatic" - lives and sleeps dota. Plays it so often can't even remember how the original Warcraft III looks like. Can recite all the spells and items to collect and will inform you while playing which items to buy from your hero. Is on Level 37 were everybody else is on like level 10.

hey ive met some of those.

so glad i dont have them at my lans.

Ok heres my try...

Joe "the social guy". He dont come the lan to play games, that could be for a few reasons (a)He only have a p1 that cant even play CS (b) He has a PC but cant play a game to save his life (c)He dont even like games, he wants to chat (d)He comes in hope to get some booze. You will see him (a) standing there drooling over someones uber PC (b) Keep telling someone who is a good player how to play the game (c) Talking about everything, games or not, while you're concentrating on the game (d) Stalking someone for a drink.

hey i used to bring my P1 to small lans. that was the only PC i could afford and i never bugged other gamers or stalked other for drinks.

infact i started the lan thing going with my friends using a P1

lol...sorry. just had to think of something..ok let make it a 486 then.

Nuke wrote:lol...sorry. just had to think of something..ok let make it a 486 then.

Lol, anybody coming to a lan with a 486 would have the words "n00b from the past" permanent markered on his forehead.

ive got 2x 486's in corner in my basement.

i have a 386 laptop talk about a leg crusher and lousy battery life

I also have a few 486 pcs somewhere. My dad have a olivetti 4.77mhz....lol

The only thing I thing you can dow with a 486 is loading linux or mikrotik routerOS and use it as a router/firewall.

@Neon. my friend told me that someone once asked him why delta force 3 didnt what to install on their pc, when he went over to have a look the pc was a 486...so there a few uber n00bs. It may not be at a lan but its still stupid.