Love?

[justinufo]

Ive been thinking.Maybe i wasnt at that 'level' when it came to loving her.Besides.We were together for a year.Im starting to eat again and do what i always used to do for fun.No use sittting and moping about something that can never ever be and i accepted what happened.The only thing that puts my mind at ease is that she went from bad to worse! j/k.I still feel something for her but if she doesnt want me-insert your desired swear word here -her.Anyway im outta here!

[Screeper]

There is a difference between what you are thinking and what rusty and I are talking about.

What you are going on about is Polygamy and in some cultures it is allowed and in others it is taboo. For example Zumu is going onto his 6th wife I think its is, and in the Western culture that is frowned on. It is a mind set some people can accept it others cannot.

/start lecture

Actually, Zana is probably referring to polyamory. Many loves.
Rather than polygamy - many marriages.

Interestingly (on not?), polyamory is one of the main reasons my gf broke up with me. She thinks she wants to be polyamorous.
Which, if you read the theory etc is possible, but it requires MASSIVE amounts of trust (something which was eventually missing in our relationship).
For polyamory to work your relationships needs to be carved out of granite to maintain it.

The most common form of polyamory is usually a 'V'. In other words, one girl - who sees two guys, or one guy who sees two different girls, but the 'outside' arms of the 'V' have nothing to do with each other. If that makes any sense? Obviously there are other combos, with triads and quads etc.

It is quite amazing how some of us 'westerners' manage to buck the tread of serial monogamy and actually make polyamory work. It is a mindset (like Zana has?) where you really do believe it will work fine and have no problem with sharing partners. But finding others on your wave length is really hard even in the bigger 'free-thinking' cities. In SA the communities are rather small, but do exist.

/end lecture

If anyone is interested..
http://www.polyamoryonline.org/
and if anyone is really interested PM me cos I've got loads and loads of info on the topic.

[Tribble]

Interesting - I had heard of relationships like that but did not realise they were common.

[Screeper]

Interesting - I had heard of relationships like that but did not realise they were common.

They aren't really common, in San Francisco there is quite a big community, but I think in general people are jealous and sharing a partner is really tough on the mind.

It is very hard to say goodbye to the one you love as she leaves to spend the weekend with her other partner.
Also the person in the 'middle' has to juggle two loving relationships and that is also a real challenge even for the most emotionally elastic individuals.
Personally I found it hard enough maintaining a single relationship

[Tribble]

I was just going to say - I am hardly coping with the one I have - let alone another

[Zana]

@t Anakha56:
O.k I not quote anyone, as your quote was a nested one... so you were the outer loop of quote and it ended up as your quote.... I am sorry ((hugs)) , Yes i have been hurt before, but i have a forgivibng heart and me and the person are still freinds, but I have bonded with her on some level so we are close enouph as "sisters". Normal people would split completely , and I do not understand this, since one has to forgive in some time and point. Yes sores heal and scars remain, but you cant say you never learned anything...
Then the whole thing goes down to true love.
If there is true love a connection via the strings of the Universe is made between you and the person you love and sensualy interact..
Or does this only happen with me..?

If there is true love even in a sensual or sexual relationship, and things happen thta cause split , if there true love you still love them... and they still love you.
If the love isnt true, then you know it when you dont hear from them.

@t Screeper
Yes in your terms it is polyamoury, some people yes it works for and others not, but the reason why it doesnt work among people in general is because of human nature. Human nature has emotions of jelousy, anger etc... One has to be open who you go out with to the others you love and carefull discussions between your partners need to be carefully arranged , due to the fact in this life there are medical implications such as AIDs etc you have to be awair of, where each one before joining has to be tested, this often is the major cause of people getting upset and restrictions on each other occur. Its actualy a hinderence of sensual interaction disease which cannot be avoided.

I personaly cannot stick to one person, since I believe sensual interaction is a part of a gift out of Love if accepted and agreed by persons involved. Where if its negatory, I give gifts, hugs, smiles, chats, words of love etc....

[jee]

but I haven't found a way to take away the pain, not even the slightest bit.

Don't try to take away the pain. Its one of the things that makes us human - to feel. Allowing you to grieve, to feel the pain (yes its terrible in the beginning... wait until you have been for someone for 27 years and they suddenly tell you you are not good enough anymore) means that you can deal with the problem, work through it, and let it go. Thats where time comes in - but if you don't deal with that agony, it will always be part of you, somewhere in the subconscious, waiting to bite you. I'm not talking about the bitter sweet memories one has much later when you hear a piece of music, walk past a restaurant, catch a sniff of perfume.

It is however easy (and possible) to love more than one person equally

I would like to make an observation here: Its in times after a break-up of any kind that friends really come into their own. One of the reasons why i think that anyone part of a couple needs time alone with his/her own friends to keep those bonds.

[Screeper]

I would like to make an observation here: It's in times after a break-up of any kind that friends really come into their own.

As usual Jee, you speak the truth
I have just moved to a new town (originally to be with my ex who then bumped me off) so I'm still trying to find friends here which is a bit tricky atm.
But thank goodness for Skype and the the PCF forum

[jee]

I agree Screeper - the Internet and IP have saved my sanity many a time. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone you are not totally bound to, and that does not have any relationship with the other party as in shared friends.

However, no matter what... if we need cliches... its better to have loved and lost..... ne?

Huggles

[Screeper]

.. its better to have loved and lost.....

I am clinging to that hope.

[jee]

Take it from me.... this is one thing that I know LOTS about and really understand... one just have to find joy in things around you not people.

I truly have the belief that what will be yours will come in its own time, and that every hello ends in goodbye. Thats why most of the time (not always successful) i live life to the fullest and share with others like i should.

just sometimes i throw a childish hissy fit, but have friends like jamin that will tell me to kick my delicate derriere into orbit and get out of it!

[jee]

thought provoking...
http://www.dailymotion.com/search/finla ... m?from=rss

[Screeper]

Awwww
Thanks Jee, that has improved my evening.

56k warning for above link - 34megs

[Tribble]

Wow that was stunning - what a lovely feeling it leaves you with

[jee]

whoopw screeper... did not noticed the size!

[IcePick88]

This is going to sound very insenstive to you gus, but WTF. Get over it already!

Talking about it all the time and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you "get over it"! Reading nice things or listening to soppy music is dumb. It only makes it worse.
I've been through break ups many a times and this sorry for myself attitude does not help.

Keeping busy keeps your mind off it. That way, it will blow over sooner. If you have closure, then great. Move on! If not, seek it and then move on!

Nobody likes a cry baby or emo in their face all the time.
Rather instill a new found confidence, be proactive and keep your head up. If she ever sees you again and you are still emo and all sobby about the break up, then she will just reaffirm why she left you in the first place!

[Tribble]

Shame - some people like their feelings. I agree that dwelling on it does nothing - but it is not a choice for some people. I have tried to help countless friends through heartbreak - and one thing I have learned. They all do it in their own time. Telling them to drop it doesn't work. Telling them to forget her and move on doesn't work either. But they all get out of it in the end - some it takes a few weeks - others a year or two.

[Jonboy]

This is going to sound very insenstive to you gus, but WTF. Get over it already!

Talking about it all the time and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you "get over it"! Reading nice things or listening to soppy music is dumb. It only makes it worse.
I've been through break ups many a times and this sorry for myself attitude does not help.

Keeping busy keeps your mind off it. That way, it will blow over sooner. If you have closure, then great. Move on! If not, seek it and then move on!

Nobody likes a cry baby or emo in their face all the time.
Rather instill a new found confidence, be proactive and keep your head up. If she ever sees you again and you are still emo and all sobby about the break up, then she will just reaffirm why she left you in the first place!

SO much easier said than done. You can't paint the way everybody deals with emotions with the same brush as yourself. Different people deal with emotions differently. Some people will do the pro-active in your face thing, but other people need to talk it through and let the feelings run their course. The race ends at the same point, regardless of the route.

[IcePick88]

Yeah I get that. How they heal is their prerogative.

But all this emo and feeling sorry for oneself is not my scene.

[BluePsyche]

I like the way Jonboy put it: "The race ends at the same point, regardless of the route." So I think its okay to do all sorts of stuff, weird or not because of emotional turmoil, as long as it doesn't affect one's health(that includes being apathetic and becoming emotionally detached, which should be unhealthy) and one's life continues to flow forward

[Monty]

The thing about love, is you're always at its mercy.

[Screeper]

The thing about love, is you're always at its mercy.

Ain't that the truth!

[Anakha56]

So...

Not having my dad around to ask this question let me ask the forums, more specifically the married ones on the forum .

How do/did you know that the person you are with was/is the "right" one for you? Reason for asking is merely out of curiosity because the g/f and I have been dating for 6 years with no fights and no complaints from either side. I am also thinking along the lines of proposing but for now its just a thought...

[D3PART3D]

Awwww, Ankie is going to propose! That's so beautiful!

[Screeper]

So...
How do/did you know that the person you are with was/is the "right" one for you? Reason for asking is merely out of curiosity because the g/f and I have been dating for 6 years with no fights and no complaints from either side. I am also thinking along the lines of proposing but for now its just a thought...

Run away as fast as you can
I was 7 years long with the ex-gf and was planning to propose when the world collapsed. I was totally utterly convinced she was the one.
So I'm not sure you can ever know 100% because even though I was convinced it turned out she wasn't even though she had previously hinted that we would get married one day..

So my only suggestion would be to follow your heart.... apparently it is better to love and lose then to have never .. well you know the line