Love?

[Dr_Jung]

To have loved and lost is better than not to have loved at all, cannot remember who said that but it is so true.

Can you imagine being married for six and a half years and the partner of the day comes to you and says " I have found someone else", so devastating that it seems death is the only outlet. However this is not so, new love awaits around the corner or more aptly over the crest of the mountain in front of you.

A relationship grows stale unless you work on it, women are in particular highly prone to this, they have to have constant reminders of how much they are cherished, if this is not done by the male they become very vulnerable to outside influences. Sex is a minor detail to a woman, love and affection is what matters, this has to be maintained at high levels throughout the relationship, if neglected it will, after a period of time, lead to a situation where another, new partner seems desirable. In this state a women may easily be taken in by a sympathetic male who suddenly showers the attention on her that she so craves in her present stale relationship. This is the area of extreme danger, the seven year syndrome.
This will happen to all couples who do not follow this simple but important rule, void it at your peril.

A woman scorned, either by an affair or neglect will never ever be the same again, she may well forgive but will never forget. A man is far more capable of shrugging this off, even if it takes six months or so, he will overcome. A woman sees any sort of infidelity as a direct insult to her femininity, let me assure you that lack of affection toward her is considered as infidelity. So now you know what a woman wants and now you know how to treat her, as a man who suffers because of this, get over it and learn.

[Tribble]

Dr_Jung, wow - very insightful. I agree 100%. Men see sex as a way of showing the women they still find them attractive. To women - it is the little things that count - asking how their day was, helping carry in the groceries, changing that light bulb that she has been nagging you about, holding her and not trying to make it lead to something else.

Sex is wonderful, fantastic and definitely necessary. But it is not a sign of love. You can have sex with anyone - but caring shows that you are emotionally invested in her. All the marriages I know of that didn't work out - the woman says that they drifted apart. She felt unappreciated, they never talked - and by that I mean more than just what you are thinking, he was always working, she was left to see to the kids and the house, they stopped showing consideration for each other, stopped touching, hugging and kissing. The only time they would connect was during sex - the rest of the time she was in an emotional desert.

Sadly - it would not have taken much effort to save their marriages / relationships. But they both have to see that there is a problem and work together, and here communication is important. If she doesn't tell the guy what she needs and how she is feeling, and if he doesn't do the same - nothing will improve.

My opinion anyway.

[Dr_Jung]

Yes, it is indeed sad that the mentioned problems may easily be overcome if caught in time, remember I am not saying that it is only the male partner that should concede to this, women are not innovators in a relationship, but they will respond accordingly.

Let the spice flow!

[Tribble]

Yep - I think the difference is a man will go out and find a woman and have an affair. - must be as a result of the hunter instinct. With women, it seems as though a man comes to her and woos her. She gives in as she craves the attention. I could be wrong though.

[Dr_Jung]

You are correct, a man is often led around by his penis, everything he craves is penis related, a flashy car, a flashy woman (read slut) the biggest and best computer and if it cannot be the best then mod it until it is. Have you ever noticed in a football game, how the players, who line up in front of the penalty area when a rocket like penalty shoot is about to happen? They all hold their hands over their penis, to hell with their faces!

A man who understands a bit about a woman's psyche can almost manipulate her!

[po10cy]

correct tribs

woman who have affairs often lack that intimate feeling of attention and love from her partner so in most cases the affair is with a close male friend who shows her that kind of attention and over time it becomes more.

men on the other hand, not all of them tho, cant help but react to flirting or to automatically flirt with woman and that eventually leads to more.

[Tribble]

ROTFL - true.

And sadly to say - women are easily manipulated. Push the right buttons and you have hear eating ..... well you know the rest

[D3PART3D]

Dr_Jung, where do you disappear to? Good to see you posting.

[Dr_Jung]

Oh, I am always around, or mostly anyway. I like to post in the Ward if I have something worthwhile to add, a bit of humour and so on. Also my brother with the long stick thing, he hogs the computer!
But thanks for the encouragement!

[Screeper]

Although the last few comments are often very accurate they don't hold true to my disaster.
If anything it is the opposite.
One of the main reasons she has left is that she has become increasingly sexually curious, the 'I wonder what it would be like.. with...x..' notion. So, not really something I can help her with, there is no way I can ever be 'someone else' even if the actual bedroom antics are identical.
She also felt she was losing her identity for some reason, somehow we became too close and too familiar, another thing that is almost impossible to rectify. The very fact that we had been together so long means we would certainly be familiar with each other - if we weren't something would be a bit wrong.
I could write a paragraph here telling how I always asked her about her day, and told her she looks beautiful etc but that would not only be dull but not even remotely helpful.
I guess she has just changed and her new outlook doesn't feature me in it

Tribs - not so sure the women is the one always to be wooed. My ex-love was/is definitely a hunter. Certainly not cast from the 'usual' woman mould, which was probably why I love(d) her.
But you are right that I need to learn how to fall out-of-love with her, for which I don't have a method yet..

Thanks for your help everyone. The road is currently very dark for me.

[Tribble]

I see your problem. Those were not things you could change or help her with. Just one thing - sometimes they leave, find out things were better "at home" and then want to return after a while. You will have to decide if you would want her back IF it ever came to that. I am really not trying to get your hopes up - but I have seen it happen. Some guys take them back and live happily and others decide that they cannot forgive and walk away.

If you need to chat - we are here. We can't actually give you very good or even plausible advice - but we can listen and try and lighten your mood.

<hugs>

[jee]

Such wisdom...


does this come close to express it?







it can be such fun...




or not

[Tribble]

What awesome photos jee - and the teddy one is so sad.

[jee]

[Monty]

A man who understands a bit about a woman's psyche can almost manipulate her!

That is true.


@Screeper: I know its a tough time for you and this isn't really helpful, but if you do any writing (poetry, stories etc) or any art or any thing creative, now is the time to do it.

[Screeper]

Jee - that teddy hits the nail on the head for me

Monty - yes I paint, draw and write - there's a book in here somewhere...

[jee]

screeper, just remember the thing about teddies.... they get picked up, dusted off, and loved. no matter what condition they are in.

hmmm there is a quote in this one

[Tribble]

Very profound indeed.

[Screeper]

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you...

[Tribble]

I agree - and it is the hardest thing to stop doing. Harder than quitting smoking - but it is possible.

[Monty]

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

[BluePsyche]

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

Dammit what a useless love

[Tribble]

But it can sustain you through dark times.

[Zana]

But it can sustain you through dark times.

True
Love can be a fuel source but sometimes love needs to be fueled to by something else like compassion, nurturing and freindlyness from others, also even nature can revive "love".. even doing the things you enjoy doing.
Love and hugs
Danielle

[Tribble]

But love - not looked after - will die.