Rules for the boys

[jee]

FOR THE BOYS - ENJOY

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about
you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever! Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. It's genetic.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. No NO you really do have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

[doo_much]

errr... interesting?

And here I was thinking Jee's a female 8O

[Thrall]

She's all female - she has the ability to see the humour in both sides of the story, though

[doo_much]

Ahhh, [Richard Attenborough voice], here we have and example of the extremely rare and elusive species, the humorous femina .

These creatures, whilst loosely members of the family
homo sapiens, have the disconcerting habit of seeing the humour in life, a trait sadly missing from the female gender of homo sapiens, making them more alluring to males of homo sapiens, than these other females.

[amdretard]

very good

[Nuke]

sures good but hey i can count to 2 at least 8O

[amdretard]

so can i

ican count to 55
1,3,6,4....

[-ASSASSIN-]

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!

So true, sometimes I wonder for hours as to why women have to ask "How do I look in this?", 10 millions times before going out, and then even if you tell her she looks like a million bucks, she still insits that something is wrong, and goes back to change.... 8O

Oh women, the mystery of women, and that is exactly why I love them....

[Leigh]

Damn maybe I shouldn't have cut my hair short then

[wizardofid]

Rules by woman for men

All is numbered 1 so that blond men can't remember them

1.Don't try to understand woman

1.Don't try to understand woman.

1.Don't try to understand woman.

1.Don't try to understand woman.

1.Don't try to understand woman.

[Tel]

Thanks for that Jee. Some of those things are so true though.

[wit_skapie]

He he ... finally someone sees the light...

No, just kidding - those are very funny Jee

/me goes to try them on girlfriend...

[Iceblade]

True

[Slasher]

Hehehe... nice on Jee

Anyhow ::


A blond police officer pulls over a motorist in a routine checkup...

This also happen to be a blond... The officer asks the blonde for her license...

She opens her handbag , start diggin in it for about 3 minutes... Out comes her ID...
The officer says " No ma'm , your license is the little card with your picture on it!"
She says "Ah , just wait" and start digging again... for another 5 minutes...

She rips out a mirror {One of those small ones} , looks at it for a while and hands it to the traffic officer...

The officer takes it , looks at it for 10 seconds , gives it back and says : "Sorry , I didnt know u were also a traffic officer... u may go..."

[Fishzn]

LOL, quite a few funny things here! Remember a couple from Mens health! Can't stop laughing at the toilet seat one and the one about asking for what you want! LOL!

[Eagle]

Q: What is the book that contains the least amount of pages
A: "What men know about woman"

A woman always wins the argument. Anything said after that is the start of a new argument.

Q: Why do women rub their *eyes* when they wake up
A: Cos they aint got *balls* to scratch.