LAN characters - It's Magtastic!

If you want to tell the forum about a LAN or comment on one you've been to, here's the place to do so!
Bobendren
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Post by Bobendren »

This is one of the funniest threads ever! Yay for stereotypes!
Snowflke
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Post by Snowflke »

I have a friend who spilled cooldrink all over my PC, he so good at it that he did it again last week. Now my mouse pads LEDs are broken :cry: . Hes also the best team killer I have ever seen :D .
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Post by wizardofid »

Snowflke wrote:I have a friend who spilled cooldrink all over my PC, he so good at it that he did it again last week. Now my mouse pads LEDs are broken :cry: . Hes also the best team killer I have ever seen :D .
Lol
Team killer I did that In battlefield 2 once or twice 8O :oops: It's a shock attack thing the funny thing about a teamkill is that you always kill the guy but when it comes to the enemy you never get a one shot kill.

Hands up who has walk infront of a teammates claymore mine in battlefield 2 :oops: :D 8O
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Prime
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Post by Prime »

i had such a huge fite with a fried in over CS cos he was in my team and i shot him. it was also a fright thing. what idiot comes running round a corner with a gun. :wink:

hmmm maybe i'll make myself a firewall with my P1. was going to use it as a file server.
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Post by Thrall »

Desperately Horny Harry:

Puffs up as soon as any female gamer enters the room - doesn't look her in the eye, but makes sure to move his body around a bit whenever she looks in his general direction so he's noticed. Tilts his monitor in her direction so she can see what a stone-cold killer he is, but tilts it the other way if his frag-count isn't the highest.

Yells a buzz-phrase from the latest Yank movie at each kill so she knows how cool he really must be ("Yippe-kai-ay, mother*****!"). Makes an excuse to bend far over something so she can check out his buns, and tries to remember all the pickup-lines posted on the PCF-forums so he can try them out - which he never does, 'cos he's just too cool to approach (ie - scared witless).
Be polite, professional and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

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Post by wizardofid »

Thrall wrote:Desperately Horny Harry:

Puffs up as soon as any female gamer enters the room - doesn't look her in the eye, but makes sure to move his body around a bit whenever she looks in his general direction so he's noticed. Tilts his monitor in her direction so she can see what a stone-cold killer he is, but tilts it the other way if his frag-count isn't the highest.

Yells a buzz-phrase from the latest Yank movie at each kill so she knows how cool he really must be ("Yippe-kai-ay, mother*****!"). Makes an excuse to bend far over something so she can check out his buns, and tries to remember all the pickup-lines posted on the PCF-forums so he can try them out - which he never does, 'cos he's just too cool to approach (ie - scared witless).
Sounds a lot like you,thrall??
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Prime
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Post by Prime »

he he. or wizz.
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Post by wizardofid »

da_ripper wrote:he he. or wizz.
Hey hey watch it. :lol: :lol: I never need to go to that level girls always fall over me.... :D
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Post by Snowflke »

Why are you always in the way :lol: .
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Post by Prime »

he he. good one snowflke. wizz remeber what you said in your pm to me.
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Post by wizardofid »

Snowflke wrote:Why are you always in the way :lol: .
I'm Johny tall aka long drop johny
The tall guy that sits sideways at his table because his knees doesn't fit underneath the table.People tend to fall over him and he uses up so much space he takes two pc's spaces.
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Post by wizardofid »

da_ripper wrote:he he. good one snowflke. wizz remeber what you said in your pm to me.
Um and what was that?I can't remember :D :D
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Post by Snowflke »

I know somebody who thinks he is the best gamer in the world but when you play him its I diffrent story. Then half way into the game he makes lame excuses like his mouse sensitivity was to low thats why hes 30 frags behind :roll: . And he always looks on my screen and reckons he knew I was there.
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Post by wizardofid »

Snowflke wrote:I know somebody who thinks he is the best gamer in the world but when you play him its I diffrent story. Then half way into the game he makes lame excuses like his mouse sensitivity was to low thats why hes 30 frags behind :roll: . And he always looks on my screen and reckons he knew I was there.
That would bring us to this guy.

Peeping Tom
The guy that always peeps on your screen to check where your "hiding" so to speak.
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Post by Snowflke »

Peeping Tom makes me laugh cause hes the guy who always turns his monitor away from you thinking your gonna look at his screen, meanwhile........ :roll:
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Post by wizardofid »

Snowflke wrote:Peeping Tom makes me laugh cause hes the guy who always turns his monitor away from you thinking your gonna look at his screen, meanwhile........ :roll:
:lol: :lol:

And then of course there is this guy.

Frikkie the firewall oke aka BBR Security
This guy alway has problems with his pc and as luck would have it he's always the guy hosting the server or has problems connecting to the network because he has one to many firewalls installed if he doesn't get it fixed as luck would you will be sitting next to him and you would be busy playing a intense game CS when he asks you for help.
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Post by Snowflke »

Then you get the internet idiot who doesnt protect his pc when he is on the net and when he rocks up to a LAN he give everyone his viruses.
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Post by wizardofid »

Snowflke wrote:Then you get the internet idiot who doesnt protect his pc when he is on the net and when he rocks up to a LAN he give everyone his viruses.
Billy the smoke bumper
Need I say more :evil:
or
Henk the hacker
or
The "guy" aka killer
The guy that is really good but bloats about how good he is.
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Post by Thrall »

wizardofid wrote:Sounds a lot like you,thrall??
Nah - I'm too shy to even look at girls :p
Be polite, professional and have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

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Post by wizardofid »

Thrall wrote:
wizardofid wrote:Sounds a lot like you,thrall??
Nah - I'm too shy to even look at girls :p
Come on you must be kidding. :lol: :lol:
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Kevin "The Noob Brother"

Post by KillerByte »

Then there is:

Kevin "The Noob Brother"

Your brother has got himself an OK gaming rig and he wants to play with the big boys, but even though you have shown him a thousand times how to change his IP address and domain he still calls for your help even though you are in the most epic game of (insert strategy game here) that you have ever played,(you know the one, where you have managed to hold of a combined attack from all four of your friends and you have a superweapon targeted at each of their bases.)
What I type has nothing to do with the people that employ me.
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Post by Sojourn »

1. Johnny "I didn't notice".
That's the guy that spills his drink on the table with a low volume-verbal "oops", only for you to find your display's pedestal glued to the table once you leave hours later. Recognize him by the thin shaky arms and cooler bag with 50% booze.

2. Stevey "the frowning-head shaker".
He's the one that insists pettily on his game\map or game config setting, only because he practiced that map to death, knows every nook and cranny, but only if crates are enabled, with the quick start setting ticked with 6 players - and he have the starting position in the top right hand corner of said map. Recognize him as the one insisting on hosting the game on his pc, even though he only runs a Celeron.

3. Maurice "the check my mod" wank3r.
Maurice is the one that selects the table where everyone have to walk past, with his case window (there WILL be a window, trust me!) facing the traffic. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT engage in conversation or compliment his case, as that will result in a lengthy discussion of his dremel tool sizes as well as his 12 different sizes sand paper and air brushes. Recognize him by his rig with more colored lights and diodes than an 80's disco.

4. Nelly "the DJ".
Nelly is one of the most annoying lanners, as he conveniently forgot to bring his earphones. Dont be fooled though. The only reason why he "forgot" was so that he can market his latest virtual DJ compilation, a mix of Roxette and Mandoza. The downside of this is that when you’ all get down to serious gaming, everybody's being drowned out by his souped up sound. Recognize him from the installed 7.1 surround rig with sub and satellites all around him.

5. Jack "the unscrupulous pirate".
Nothing much needs to be said about Jack. His favorite line is "I have the no-cd patch". He is not beyond scanning the network neighborhood to find shares with no passwords to leech whatever he can, like a thief at an accident scene on the N1 around Jhb. He's the one that holds up the session because he needs to install the latest patch as his pirated version can’t join the hosted game. Recognize him by his 3 or more virtual CD\DVD drives (Nero ImageDrive etc).

6. Rob "the hacking\cracking\cheat mechanic".
Rob has been banned from at least one game session at his Lan because of his netherworld plug-ins and cheats. Rob's used to be the pimply faced kiddy on the first online version of Diablo, responsible for many second level character death's with his two day old 76th level barbarian fighter. He's also the netbus king, always on the prowl for that ultimate prank without being caught out. Recognize him as the guy asking you to run a file on your pc - guaranteed to be a backdoor app.

7. Andrè "the moaning groaner".
André’s a likable guy. Really. That is until he joins up to a hosted game. His lack of overall "gaming-talent" not only makes him the most easy and probable target\cannon fodder, but it also turns him into a cursing generator, the words yet to be matched, no duplicate per sentence. André invariably ends up sitting back on his chair with his arms crossed on his chest lamenting the fact (despite his new 6600gt and 3500+ AMD) that his hardware is costing him frags, while the rest carries on gaming, ignorant. Thus he can be recognized (and ignored).

8. Larry "the Leech"
This hero doesn't come to LANs to play games but rather to leech as much software/music/video/porn as he can and then gloat Gollum-like over all his new loot. Recognizable through his shifty-eyed approach and constant nasal dribble, this guy has the latest high-capacity hard drives on which to store all his stuff; the poor version of this guy insists that you burn him a CD or DVD now - and he conveniently never has a spare blank of his own. He's the reason for lag on the network and should be pitch forked in his chair before being thrown out. Larry is a not too distant cousin of Jack.

9. Tim "the Uber sim\racing gamer".
This is the only guy who brings his own chair to the LAN, and not just any chair, but a full lounge sofa chair with back support. He brings all kinds of peripherals like a force feedback steering and flight sim joystick. Has 200Gb of installed games like NFSU2, MS Flight Simulator, NASCAR 2005, etc. which nobody else plays, or laments the fact that his newest flight sim does not have a multiplayer mode. Tim ends up playing his single-player-only flight sim all by himself at the LAN. He would bring his mini-fridge if the crash helmet and driving gloves didn't take up so much space in the car. Recognize him with the Comic Book Guy appearance from the Simpson’s - brown hair worn back, in a pony-tail, prescription pants and a double chin.

10. Quinton "The Anime Guy".
Has 400 GB’s of anime leeched from LAN’s. Can recite every line from Naruto and is forever burning DVD’s of them. He watches them at LAN’s while other people are playing multiplayer Battlefield 2 or Call of Duty. Is forever installing and re-installing codec's as well.

11. Matt "The Insomniac Counter Striker".
Matt is the lanner that’s first to arrive and last to leave. This guy plays Counter Strike Source the whole lanning session like it's a marathon. As soon as his session ends he will join a server as soon as it’s available, without a break. He survives primarily on coffee, brought in a 2L flask. At home during single-player practice he yells and swears constantly waking everybody up every 45 minutes during the werewolf hours. Recognize him from the bloodshot eyes with hanging bags beneath.

12. Anton "The Dota Fanatic"
Anton lives and sleeps dota. Plays it so often can't even remember how the original Warcraft III looks like. Can recite all the spells and items to collect and will inform you while playing which items to buy for your hero. Is on Level 37 were everybody else is on level 10. Watch him writher in agony when it’s announced that Unreal Tournament will be played next.

13. Joe "the social guy".
Joe is dragged along reluctantly by a friend, and to justify his presence, he brought along his vintage P1 with Dos6.22 and Windows95. He’s definitely not at the Lan to play games, but for one of these reasons: (a)he only have a P1 that cant play any of the hosted games (b)he dont even like games, he wants to chat on iRC (c) he comes in hope to get some free booze. You will see him standing there drooling over someone’s Uber PC or keep telling someone who is a good player how to play a game. Joe likes talking about everything, games or not, while you're concentrating on your game – recognize him by spotting the guy, drink in hand, and walking up and down peeking over everyone’s shoulder with lame comments.

14. “Desperately Horny” Harry.
Puffs up as soon as any female gamer enters the room - doesn't look her in the eye, but makes sure to move his body around a bit whenever she looks in his general direction so he's noticed. Tilts his monitor in her direction so she can see what a stone-cold killer he is, but tilts it the other way if his frag-count isn't the highest. Yells a buzz-phrase from the latest Yank movie at each kill so she knows how cool he really must be ("Yippe-kai-ay, mother*****!"). Makes an excuse to bend far over something so she can check out his buns, and tries to remember all the pickup-lines posted on the PCF-forums so he can try them out - which he never does, 'cos he's just too cool to approach (ie - scared witless).

15. Tom “the, well, peeping Tom”
Tom does not have to be mulled over as we all have met him at least once. He’s the guy that always peeps on your screen to check where you’re "hiding" so to speak, but heaven save your soul should you just glance in his screen’s direction. Recognize him by the rubberneck.

16. Frikkie “the firewall” aka “ADT Security”
This guy always has problems with his pc and as luck would have it, he's always the guy hosting the server or has problems connecting to the network because he has one to many firewalls installed. If he doesn't get it fixed and you are lucky enough to be seated next to him, you will be patted on the arm to help him at the most crucial moment of your game. Recognize him from the “my PC just crashed” look on his face.

18. Brad "The Cool Gamer Guy"
The only lanner of the lot to bring a printer to the session, meet Brad. He’s the guy that is not only really good but boasts about how good he is. In his possession you will find printed copies of match statistics in single player, LAN multiplayer as well as online multi-player format. He is listed and ranked online and makes no effort to hide this fact. He will be unable to join directly after a game session, as he needs to capture all the screens with the post-game stats. Listen for a printer and you will find him.

19. Lisa “the gamer chick”
Lisa, often the point of focus for Harry, is truly only present to LAN and game. Not strikingly beautiful, but she does have selling points for playing CS and Battlefield2. Lisa can participate in most game and IT related conversations and turns heads when she laughs. She often ends up rated first, second or third in a hosted session. Lisa favorite line is “a chick whipped your butt!!”

20. Neville "The Newbie".
Neville is often encountered as the brother or friend of one of the regulars. He consistently asks for help with connecting to the network and still does not grasp the concept "new lan-new ip". Although having a decent CPU and Grafix setup, he fails to understand that hardware dont compensate for experience or lack thereof. Neville has the potential to turn into Andre as he gets exposed. If YOU brought him to the Lan, be ready to act as an immediate always-available helpdesk, even at the most akward of times during gameplay.
Last edited by Sojourn on 11 Aug 2005, 13:32, edited 6 times in total.
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Post by Nuke »

Once its finnished, why not ask Cameron or Tamsin to put it in the mag? Cause its really funny and other readers should enjoy it as well...
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Post by Sojourn »

I think these 20 odd covers the majority of stereo-types found. Thanks for all those who made entries or gave me ideas.

S
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Post by Anakha56 »

yeah then maybe no 4 the speaker bloke will get the message and stuff off :evil: he irritates more than all of the others.
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