The chronicles of the Burger Marines

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Tribble
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The chronicles of the Burger Marines

Post by Tribble »

I am loving these fan fiction stories.

The Burger Marines had several planets at their disposal. All of them were of course covered in facilities that could have been useful for the Marines' activities, and were all specialized in a way. Holstein Prime was one such planet : its speciality was the breeding and herding of ambulls which would then be used for making the burgers served in the chapter's restaurant. The planet's surface was completely covered with lush grass fields, allowing the beasts to prosper before being brought in the gigantic slaughterhouses the planet was also housing.

Most of the Burger Marines working on the planet were gathered in those slaughterhouses. Which eased the task of the scout who ran into the planet governor's office, obviously panicked.

« - Brother-captain ! This is a catastrophe !

- Calm down, young one, replied the captain. Tell me what is happening.

- A terrible plague, brother ! A pandemic is spreading on the planet, making all our beasts fall ill ! All of them ! They're becoming too fouled for consumption !

- Oh please, young one... As if it stopped us in the past...

- It's also making their meat taste like broccoli. »

This time, the Burger Marine captain rose from his seat.

« This is unacceptable ! We have to stop this ! Do we know what caused this !?

- Well, yes, brother-captain... We found bomb shells on the initial sites of infection. Our biologists determined that those bombs were filled with various germs and bacteries.

- Then this is an attack ! Only one kind of traitor would do such a thing... »

Just at this moment, the captain's communicator started to beep, indicating that somebody was trying to contact him. A bit surprised, he still took the call.

And on the screen, appeared a Marine, clad in a lime green armor. His helmet was adorned with horns, and his pauldron was sporting the symbol of an abundance horn.

« - VEGAN MARINES ! Screamed the Burger Marine captain, enraged.

- Yes, animal executionners ! Said the Vegan Marine. Your cynical rule is going to end ! When we will have finished, you will never be able to make any of those beasts suffer on this planet anymore !

- We'll see about this, heretic scum ! No one angers the Burger Marines and live !

- Spill your hatred as much as you want, but there is nothing you can do ! As your herds are getting poisonned, you cannot use them for making your filthy burgers anymore ! And the galaxy will finally find another way of finding its nutrients, in a way that won't make animals suffer uselessly ! »

The Vegan Marine started to laugh, a dark and twisted laugh that echoed in the office, a laugh that would have chilled the bones of anyone who wouldn't be a Burger Marine. The captain gritted his teeth, his anger reaching immeasurable heights...

Then, something hit him.

« Wait a second... You're trying to make us stop hurting animals by making those same animals suffer ? »

The Vegan Marine kept on laughing, but it quickly withered and died. A few seconds later, he was silently looking at the Burger Marine, suddenly feeling not really at ease.

He then turned to look at some other person offscreen.

« You know, said the Vegan Marine to his invisible colleague, I suddenly have the feeling that we haven't really thought this through... »
Read of the Burger Marines revenge here
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Re: The chronicles of the Burger Marines

Post by Tribble »

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Re: The chronicles of the Burger Marines

Post by Tribble »

Just in case you want to know who these Burger Marines are.......

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war...

And high-proteinic meals.

There is an order that is not frequently talked about in the war-fuelled 41st millennium, but which baffles anyone who encounters it for the first time. It is as old as the Imperium, having been created alongside the first Legions of Space Marines. Its members go through the same genetic engineerings and are clad in the same holy energetic armors than the other Astartes. But those Marines chose a different path. Instead of fighting the heretic and the xeno with bolters and chainswords, they decided to show to the entire galaxy the superiority of mankind's gastronomy. They seek to serve meals that would satiate anyone and bring them the energy they need to fight, while at the same time tasting delicious. They serve everybody, humans, daemons and xenos alike, thinking that the more creatures eat their food, the more the reputation of human gastronomy will increase. And, by some strange alchemy, their restaurants stand as neutral ground. No matter how much the various species of the universe are at each other's throats, they'll politely ignore each other as soon as they'd step in one of this order's restaurants.

They've been serving their customers for more than 10 millenia, and they'll only close when the End of Times will be on them.

They are the Burger Marines.

And they shall know no hunger.

"The Tyranids are coming !"

The Astartes screamed his warming as soon as he stepped in the restaurant. Immediately, all of his cooking brothers stopped and glanced, before abandoning themselves to frenetic preparations. The Burger Marines were running left and right, to the point that their red and yellow armors (with helmets white as snow where the face would be) would blur into some kind of colored fog. The steaks were being cooked, the fries were being boiled, and everybody was shouting orders.

A young scout named Quetsh Hup, who was mopping the floor, stopped one of his elders, clad in his Terminator armor, and carrying gigantic bags of frozen fries.

"- Tell me, brother… All those stories that are told about the Tyranids… Are they true ?

- Yes, young one, replied the veteran. And they are still far from telling everything about the nature of those xenos. Why are you asking me this, young Hup ? Are you afraid of their arrival ?

- There is no fear in my heart ! I may only be a scout… But I am still a Space Marine !"

The veteran nodded and would have patted the boy's shoulder if he had a free hand. He quickly took the way to the kitchen.

Soon, the whole restaurant was ready. All the Astartes gathered themselves behind the counters and in the kitchens. And they waited.

They didn't have to wait for long.

They could all hear a strange rumour. At first, it was pretty low… But its volume quickly increased, reaching deafening levels.

It was a cacophony of screeching, of clinking, of hissing… Thousands of claws were scraping concrete outside the restaurant, thousands of inhuman throats were calling… This sound would have frozen the blood of any living things in the vicinity, except the Space Marines themselves.

And the front door exploded under the charge of a monstrous Carnifex.

The beast rushed inside the building, followed by dozens upon dozens of other, smaller Tyranids. Termagaunts and Hormagaunts quickly joined the Carnifex, with a few Warriors on their trails. The floor seemed to be alive as well, as Ripper Swarms were running between the feet of the monsters. Lictors erupted from the floor as well, leaving huge craters behind them.

The whole horde was heading in the direction of the Burger Marines, growling, hissing, screeching… There wasn't a single spot in the field of vision of the Astartes that wasn't hidden by a chitinous shell, claws, fangs or vicious eyes. They soon were on the counter…

And they abruptly stopped.

The Tyranids ordered themselves in front of the counter, and then, the Carnifex raised one of his gigantic claws and pointed at the billboard detailing what was served in the restaurant

"I'LL TAKE 40 OF EACH !" Screamed the beast in a low-pitched and full of clicking voice.

"FOR THE EMPEROR !" Yelled the Burger Marines, before preparing the commands.

This would be a long, long night…
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