Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

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jee
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Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by jee »

So my fellow bored actors, lurkers, vamps, llamas and other creatures. How about reading some of this and posting your voice for a good laugh...
Puppi I am sure there are some here that you cannot say :D
If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.


Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, bottom, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité
"Integrity" and "integer" both contain a Latin root meaning "whole; complete." The root sense, then, is that people may be said to be acting with integrity when their beliefs, words, and actions have a sense of unity or wholeness.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by KALSTER »

Man, I'll probably get quite a few wrong! And make a fool of myself. :)
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by WiK1d »

That is cool. Every English classroom should have this on the wall.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by hamin_aus »

WiK1d wrote:That is cool. Every English classroom should have this on the wall.
How high was your classroom wall :?:
by G. Nolst Trenité
Ironically the authors name is the only thing I had any real difficulty pronouncing :lol:
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by ADT »

Pretty cool
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by Tribble »

Love it
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by Stuart »

That was fun. Will it fit on a Bookface status?

Edit: Evidently so. :)
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by StarBound »

I lost it at "Dearest creature in creation," when I saw the wall of text.

CURSE YOU WALL OF TEXT! CURSE YOU!
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by WiK1d »

jamin_za wrote:
WiK1d wrote:That is cool. Every English classroom should have this on the wall.
How high was your classroom wall :?:
Over 9000, thanks for asking
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by RuadRauFlessa »

That has to be one of the best poems ever...
:rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock: :rock:
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by hamin_aus »

RuadRauFlessa wrote:That has to be one of the best poems ever...
Misters Yates, Whitman, Poe, Cummings and a few others might disagree...
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by RuadRauFlessa »

^^ lets put it this way.... In terms of entertainment value it is one of the best poems ever.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by hamin_aus »

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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by doo_much »

TLDR...
MOOD - Thirsty

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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by Tribble »

Shame doo - to limit yourself because of length.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by jee »

some people just don't know how to have fun anymore if its not dished up in a byte size....
"Integrity" and "integer" both contain a Latin root meaning "whole; complete." The root sense, then, is that people may be said to be acting with integrity when their beliefs, words, and actions have a sense of unity or wholeness.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by rustypup »

:lol: i can manage about 60% of the way through before my mind starts wibbling...
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by Tribble »

These men and their short attention spans. Definitely explains why there are so many dissatisfied women.
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by KALSTER »

Who would dare to record themselves and to post it here? C'mon Tribbs, let us hear your posh accent! :)
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by ADT »

Tribble wrote:These men and their short attention spans. Definitely explains why there are so many dissatisfied women.

Meh woman :lol:
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Re: Mind your P's and Q's (and O's too)

Post by Tribble »

I may talk strange but that is by design. Many years of speech and drama lessons.

Besides I don't sound so nice anymore. Got an old lady's voice
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